Page 46 of Through the Dark Night
But neither one of them felt like going to bed, so they sat beside the newly restored fireplace with an herbal tea blend that Marina had brewed in order to relax them both.
The stress of Morison’s visit had them both on edge, and maybe that was why Marina began to talk.
“That man reminded me of the investigators my ex-husband used to threaten me with.”
Shannon’s eyes widened, and she lifted her brows at Marina, silently urging her to go on.
Marina ran a finger over the edge of herteacup. “I was married to Vincent Castellano, heir to a restaurant empire in upstate New York. He was abusive. He was brilliant in the kitchen, a culinary genius, still is, but behind closed doors, he beat me mercilessly.”
Shannon gasped. Her hand went to her throat. “Poor thing.”
Marina acknowledged her words and then continued. “I put up with his psychological and physical abuse. He isolated me from family and friends, and he had my every move monitored. He owned restaurants from New York to Chicago, and he is well-regarded in the circles. As rightly he should be. He does have a talent in that area. But unfortunately, there was nowhere I could work in the industry without him finding me. So no matter how badly I might have wanted to escape, I didn’t know what I would do to support myself after I did. Thankfully, we had no children.”
“My goodness,” Shannon said.
“I ran away several times, and he always brought me back. The beatings were worse then. I decided that I had to run away one last time and make it so that it lasted forever.” She took a wobbly breath. “I faked my own death. I must have done a pretty good job, because I haven’t heard from him, but there has been someone calling me. I don’t know who he is, but I’m scared. Scared that whoever has been calling will tell my ex. That he’ll send someone like Morison to get me.” She sighed. “I’ve been legally dead for eight months. I staged a boating accident, and I almost did drown swimming to shore. But it must have been convincing enough because I did catch a little bit on the news that they had a funeral for me.”
Shannon realized she wasn’t the only one who was running from her past. But Marina had a legitimate reason to do so. She, on the other hand, was just trying to get away from her guilt and her grief. Or maybe she just needed to put time between them. That’s what she kept telling herself. Wasn’t that a legitimate coping mechanism? But for how long did she want to do it? Was she ready to stand and face it?
“So…that man was asking about your daughter?” Marina held her tea, stirring it gently and giving Shannon as much time as she needed to formulate her thoughts. After Marina had confided in her, she couldn’t do anything except trust her in return.
“He was asking me about my daughter’s death. I was in charge ofthe girls the day she died. They asked my permission to go boating on the lake, and I gave it to them. Of course, I told them to wear life jackets, and I learned later that they did not. A rogue wave capsized the boat after they saw that there was a storm coming in. They were in a hurry to get to shore, but they realized that Yolanda never came up after the boat turned over. None of the girls ever saw her surface again. It’s odd, because Yolanda was such a good swimmer.” She shook herself. “Anyway. I’ve had the guilt, along with the sharp grief of losing my daughter, ever since that day that it was my fault. I’m the one who gave them permission. If I had just said no. If I had gone with them. If I would have had someone watch the younger kids so that I could have been there somehow. I don’t know. I guess I just feel like I need to stop questioning it and accept the fact that what happened happened. And I thought I was almost to that point. That God allowed it for a reason. That I had things I needed to learn. Other people did too. And that Yolanda is in heaven with Him, much happier than she would be on earth. As hard as it is to face, it’s true. But with Morison’s arrival, he’s brought back all the guilty feelings, all the reasons that I blame myself. And I’ve never admitted that to anyone. The grief is normal, but the guilt… I don’t know if people would understand, and if I said it, maybe they would think that I was right. I should feel guilty because it was my fault.” She put a hand on top of Marina’s. “I know our stories are not exactly similar, but it’s the idea that we have to face it sometime. And that having a town like this behind us makes it easier.”
“Yes. I agree. I don’t want to pretend to be dead for the rest of my life. Scared to use any kind of electronic payment method or anything that Vincent might find me through or be able to track me down. Living with fear is terrible. Living with guilt is even worse. And running might be the answer temporarily, but running never is permanent.”
They nodded at each other, both of them thinking about their past and about how they were going to face the future. It seemed like as the fire burned low, and the night deepened around them, that a friendship was forged that would last for the rest of their lives, no matter what happened with their past, their present, or their future.
Nineteen
The next morning, Shannon woke feeling lighter than she had in years. Was that what having a deep, heart-to-heart talk did? She had finally admitted the guilt that she felt and the fear as well.
She hoped Marina felt just as good when she woke up. But it was Marina’s day off, and she was nowhere to be seen, so Shannon decided that she would walk to the general store for a cup of coffee and to just chat with Fran for a little bit. She just felt that good.
It was only a ten-minute walk, and while the wind was chilly, she bundled up tight, and it felt invigorating rather than cold.
Unfortunately, her feel-good mood was short-lived when she saw Morison’s rental car parked outside the general store.
Call her a coward, but she waited until the investigator had left before she walked in. Even the cheerful bell ringing above her head didn’t dispel the black mood that had fallen upon her.
“Shannon, darling. How are you?” Fran said, bustling to her like a mother hen and gathering her in her arms like a hen might gather her chick to her.
Shannon laid her head on Fran’s shoulder and allowed herself to be comforted. “I was doing good until I saw Morison was here. What did he want?”
“Oh, he’s asking about you. About the accident and whether your actions after the accident were because of guilt rather than grief.”
Shannon’s heart froze.
Fran waved her hand. “I didn’t answer him more than what I absolutely had to. I know that’s what everyone else has been doing, since he’s been systematically visiting everyone in town, asking his silly questions and probing where he doesn’t need to and where it’s none of his business anyway.”
“I guess in a way I’m glad for it. It’s brought some things out into the open that I’ve been clutching pretty close.”
“Really?” Fran asked, lifting her head and stepping back a little from Shannon.
Shannon nodded.
“I think you’ll talk about this better over a cup of coffee,” Fran said with a little bit of her old fire and humor coming back.
“I think you’re right.”
