Page 161 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 8
I shrugged and opened the box. There was a wrapped present inside.
Tanner lifted up a little label. “It’s for you. From Young Robert. And it says to open it in private.” He let the label flutter back in place.
Ah, my super high tech pregnancy test! Finally!
“What is Young Robert doing sending you gifts? Please tell me you haven’t broken Rule #4.”
“Of course not. Young Robert isn’t your friend.”
Tanner’s face went dead serious. “Ash. Did you fuck Young Robert?”
I laughed. “I’m not fucking Rob. He’s married, and Daphne is lovely. It’s probably just something for the Halloween party tonight. Speaking of which, I need to go get ready.” I jumped off the couch before Tanner or Nigel could use magic to see through the package or something. I went through the magical portal to get my costume, and then went back into Tanner’s apartment and snuck into the bathroom. I double locked the door for extra privacy. I wasn’t sure why there were two locks on Tanner’s bathroom door. I think it had something to do with the fact that whenever his dick was out of his drawers it was a hazard.
I slowly unwrapped the package. It was definitely a pregnancy test. And very high tech looking. It was made of shiny metal. There were no directions. But I didn’t need them. I’d been taking pregnancy tests all week. I peed on it like a total pro and then stared at it. And stared at it.
But nothing happened. There were no little lines appearing like usual.
My phone buzzed.
It was a text from an unknown number: “I’ll have your results at the party. Love, Rob.”
Noooo.I didn’t want to wait any longer.High tech should be speedy!Hunter Tech technology was trash! Or the best thing ever. I didn’t know! I started to get all sweaty. I tried to take a deep breath to calm down. I only had to wait another couple hours. But nothing would stop my sweat.
I hopped into the shower to try to get it off of me. I turned the water on, but it just came out of the bath spout rather than the showerhead. And there was no way to switch it.Damn it!I’d been asking Nigel to fix this shower all week. I’d tried everything. Every little nozzle. Everything I could possibly pull. They were all useless wall contraptions that did nothing to make this shower be a shower. Water kept flowing from the bath spout.Fuck it.I crouched down and splashed my pits with water. For the fanciest apartment I’d ever been in, it had the shittiest shower in the world.
And it just made me sweatier because I was so pissed that it was still broken. I sighed and turned off the water.Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
I kept chanting the words to myself as I put on my mummy costume.
The theme for the annual Caldwell Halloween party was ancient Egypt. Jacob had gotten obsessed with ancient Egypt after he’d stumbled upon Tanner’s room filled with all the Egyptian artifacts he’d helped unearth in the 1920s. Apparently he’d beenpart of the crew that found King Tut’s tomb. He’d been hoping to find some ancient magic he could use to fight the genie council, but he hadn’t found anything useful. Other than a shit ton of gold.
And Mrs. Caldwell loved her grandson’s enthusiasm. Although she didn’t believe any of the stories about Tanner that Jacob relayed. And she’d made the theme for the party ancient Egypt. Jacob was so excited to choose outfits for everyone he could command. Which included me. Because I was now the young man’s abuela.
Tanner would be dressing up as Osiris, the god of rebirth, since he’d lived so many places. And I was going to be a new mummy in the underworld. Probably because Jacob had just recently met me. I double unlocked the door and found Tanner in his great room.
He looked so hot in his costume. He had a white pharaoh crown, gold armor, a fake pharaoh beard, and green skin. I was never really attracted to the hulk. He was way too bulky for me. But Tanner’s lean muscles and six pack abs really worked in green.Yum.
Nigel walked up beside me.
I jumped.Just when I thought I’d gotten used to his sneaky ways...
“Master!” he yelled. “No!”
“What’s wrong?” asked Tanner.
“You can’t wear greenface.” He leaned in closer. “They’ll be offended,” he whispered.
“Who? And why are you dressed like a caveman?”
“I don’t know who! I suppose the same people that were offended by the headdress I wore last Thanksgiving. Which is why I’m dressed like a caveman. I don’t want to appropriate any more cultures. So I couldn’t dress like the Egyptian god of baths. And then I was going to go in my usual butler outfit. But I’m Moroccan. And my butler outfit is English. So that was out. And so was my German lederhosen. And pants in general.”
I laughed. “I don’t think wearing pants is cultural appropriation.”
“But they were invented by the Scythians. And I’m not Scythian. This was the only thing I could think of that might not be problematic.” He gestured to his caveman outfit. “And even that’s a little iffy. But maybe there were cavemen in Morocco that dressed like this? I don’t know! WAIT. Who invented baths? Am I allowed to use them? Dear God, my life is in shambles.” He sighed and collapsed onto the couch.
His life was in shambles?! I was the one who’d been knocked up by the entire Supernova Six. And now I was starting to worry this outfit was problematic.
“I can’t be things that I was.” He put his hand to his forehead. “Or be how I am. Or be like my actual self from before. Because people don’t know I’m not the fresh-faced boy I appear to be! Woe is me!”
