Page 366 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 8
“Can we please just find this shelf and then get back to the wedding? You know what being late does to me!”
Hmmm…She had a point. She got so weird when she was going to be late. It was one of her greatest fears. And as much as I wanted to torture her for what she’d made me wear at her first wedding, I wasn’tthatcruel. And anyway…I was about to get all the cock I needed on my honeymoon.
I scanned the aisles. Seriously…what the hell had they done when they remodeled this place? Did these basic bitches know nothing about the Dewey Decimal System?Ah! There it is! I yanked Ash into the Russian literature section.
“What the actual fuck is happening right now?” she asked.
I stopped at the third shelf and scanned the spines for… “I got it!” I pulled out the book with the gold edges and maroon cover. I couldn’t read a single word in Russian. But one day I’d wandereddown this abandoned aisle to make out with some jock. We’d knocked this book off the shelf during our hot make-out sesh. And there the Single Girl Rules were in all their glory. “This is where I found them.” I held up the book.
“Right. The whole you-found-them-while-making-out-with-some-hot-jock story. I remember.”
“Then why don’t you believe me?”
“Because you made the Single Girl Rules up!”
“I did not.” I’d never shown the original document to Ash. It was too precious to show to anyone, even to my bestie. But now that I was putting them back, it was time for her to see the rules in all their glory. I lifted up my skirt.
“Stop it! You’re going to get us arrested for real this time.”
“I’m not stripping. Why do you always shame strippers, anyway? Single Girl Rule #10…”
“I know. Rule #10: All celebrations of important life events must involve strippers. I freaking hate that rule.”
“You’re not going to like a few things at the wedding then.” I lifted my skirt higher and pulled the folded-up piece of paper out of my garter. I’d been putting it there for years. It’s where I held all my most sacred belongings. So…the Single Girl Rules and spare condoms. You never knew when you’d need an extra condom. Well, I kind of did. The answer was quite a bit. I was a big believer in one orgasm not being nearly enough. Our bodies were designed to have more than that. #OrgasmFacts.
I unfolded the paper and showed it to Ash.
“What the hell is that? Is that in Russian?”
“Yup. The original Single Girl Rules were in Russian. It took a Russian exchange student a couple of days to translate them.”
“That’s why you kept hanging out with Slavanka?”
“Yeah. She was super cool.”
“I thought you were trying to find a new best friend.”
“What? Never. You’re my best friend, Ash. Always and forever.” I folded the original Single Girl Rules Russian edition back up and tucked it into the book. “I should probably leave the translated version with it, right? That’ll make things easier for the next single girl who finds them.” I pulled my Single Girl Rules membership card out of my bra and put it in the book too.
“I can’t believe they’re actually real.” Ash looked…shook.
“I told you. They’re a sacred tradition for single girls all over the world. It’s an international thing.”
“But…how? All the rules are so…ridiculous.”
“They’re not ridiculous at all! I mean just look at Rule #1: Boys are replaceable. Friends are Forever.”
“Right. That one is normal. That’s pretty much the only normal one. And you even make that rule dirty.”
She laughed. “I know. Do you remember that night when I first told you about the rules?” It was right after I’d gotten them translated. And I couldn’t wait to put them into action.
“Chastity, your wedding starts in…” she looked at her phone. “40 minutes! We need to get back.”
“Oh, I think we have some time to reminisce. We need to say goodbye to the Single Girl Rules in style.” I did jazz hands and gave Ash a little shimmy for effect.
“Right, by getting your ass married.”
“Nope. A montage. We need a montage!” I clapped my hands together.
