Page 641 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 8
I shook my head. “We took a helicopter to a private airstrip.”
“Sure did,” agreed Ash with an enthusiastic nod. “I was just checking to make sureyourmemory was okay. Good news, you passed.”
“Hmmm… Nope. We actually took a limo.” I pulled out my phone and showed her a picture we’d taken with the hot limo driver just before boarding shmoopie poo’s private jet.“Seriously, how do you not remember? Never mind,” I said, snapping my fingers. “I know what happened.”
“You do?”
“Yup. You must have hit your head on the steering wheel while you were giving the chauffeur road head on the way here. Very thoughtful way to tip him, if I do say so myself.”
“WHAT?!”
I laughed. “Just kidding. You didn’t blow him. Although I’m not sure why not. He was definitely packing something special.”
“I’m a married woman! I can’t just go around blowing random people.”
“Right.” I winked at her.
“No. Don’t wink at me about that. I’m serious! And I’m also very concerned about my memory.”
I waved off her concern. “It’s just the banana juice messing with your head. I always thought you were joking about not remembering stuff. But now I’m thinking that your brain legit locks away all the memories you make while you’re drinking banana juice. Which explains why you don’t remember any of the stories I’m telling. And why you don’t remember getting on this plane.”
“Oh God,” said Ash. “What other terrible things have I done?”
“Terrible? None that I can remember. You’re actually quite sweet when you’re drunk on banana juice. Unless someone gets in the way of your insatiable hunger for dick.” I paused and thought back to one of my fondest memories of Ash. “You punched a bear once.”
“I did what?! What situation could we have possibly gotten into where I needed to punch a bear in order to get some dick?”
“I can think of a lot of situations where that would be necessary. I mean, everyone knows that zookeepers have larger-than-average penises. That big dick energy is crucial to establishing dominance over the animals. So it’s easy to imagine how punching a bear would be necessary to get that zoo keeper D. A camping trip would also…”
“I wasn’t asking for hypotheticals. I wanted to know how I specifically ended up punching a bear.”
“Girl, my wedding starts any minute now. We don’t have time for wild stories.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” asked Ash. “This whole time you’ve been telling the world’s longest story about how I supposedly lost my virginity.”
“Correction: I’ve been telling you anormal lengthstory about how youactuallylost your virginity. Now, shall I continue?”
“We’re probably almost back to New York, so you should just skip to the end and tell me who took my V-card. I hope it wasn’t that short king from dick, dick, dick.”
“Why?” I asked. “What’s wrong with short kings? Didn’t you hear what I said earlier about the blood flow thing?”
“So itwashim?”
“Nope.” God, I couldn’t wait to tell her who took her virginity. She was going to freak the fuck out.
Ash scrunched her face to the side like she did when she was thinking really hard. “Shit, I know who it was. It was freaking Tonguenado, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe. That would make sense, given that you’d just won his cock as your prize for winning dick, dick, dick. But you’re forgetting that the banana king had given the guards strict ordersnotto bang you. He needed your virginity intact for the auction. Speaking of the banana king…I think I’m gonna let him tell this next part of the story in his own words.”
Ash gasped and looked around frantically. “Stay away, pervert!” she screamed. “I’m a married woman!”
I laughed. “Relax. He’s not here. Which is a real shame. I’d love one more taste of his banana before I walk down the aisle. And I bet you’d love another ride on that thing too.”
“Another?!”
I winked at her and pulled out my phone.
“Please tell me you’re not calling him.”
