Page 20 of Retrograde
As it stood, Jasper, their team principal, was fully aware that Brett needed some time to be with his family and get himself back in the game. Julien and Lucie had highlighted to him that there was more than meets the eye here, that Brett’s mental health needed a reset. They had reserve drivers for a reason. Drivers got sick, had family emergencies. As far as Jasper knew, they were knocking the alcohol thing on the head before it became a real problem, but Lucie wasn’t sure how true that was.
If Brett didn’t feel ready to return for Monza, though? He could be out for the rest of the season. The team couldn’t afford to take the risk. They needed a driver they could rely on. Everyone at Revolution was adamant that was still him, but what if it wasn’t? Lucie shook the thought away, she wouldn’t catastrophise, not yet.
She ambled back up to the room an hour later. Brett’ssuitcase was packed and waiting by the door, his kangaroo luggage tag on the handle.
‘Do you think Mum will appreciate a lodger?’ Brett appeared in his towel, water dripping from his golden, toned abs. Lucie tried not to stare.
‘You’re not staying at your place?’ Lucie arched an eyebrow.
‘I left it in a mess…’
‘Well… clean it up?’
‘There’s alcohol bottles everywhere. And potentially some other substances left behind, which are one hundred per cent not mine,’ Brett quickly added as Lucie went to scold him, and he caught his bottom lip in his teeth, his face a picture of worry. ‘Not exactly the best welcome home gift at the minute.’
She glared at him but knew now wasn’t the time for a lecture. ‘You know she’d love to have you, Anderson, but it might do you good to clear your place out. Start fresh. I got you some thriller novels to read, by the way. I imagine you’ll have quite a lot of downtime even with your sisters hassling you non-stop.’
‘Lucie Carolan, did you check my Goodreadsaccount?’ He gasped as he pulled out a new release that he’d added to his wish list. ‘This came out literally two days ago.’ Lucie smirked. She checked it every birthday and Christmas and played it off like she’d just randomly selected whatever was on the shelf, but now he knew her secret.
‘Damn it, Brett, now you know. I do the same for your sisters. Speaking of, Cleo is far too young to be readingthe things I’ve seen on her list. I have half a mind to screenshot it and send it to your mum.’
‘Who do you think bought her half the books on her shelf?’ Brett grinned.
‘Oh myGod. She’s fifteen!’ Lucie’s mouth hung open.
‘She’s got an older sister and nobody in my family has a filter.’
‘I’m surprised Piper hasn’t put a stop to that.’ Brett’s twin was too sensible for her own good. ‘Speaking of… have you spoken to her? Told her why you’re coming home?’
‘No, and I’m not going to.’
‘Brett.’ She gave him a disapproving look, suddenly aware it was the same look Piper would give him if she were in Lucie’s shoes.
‘I have to protect my family. This would devastate them, they don’t need to know.’
‘It would devastate them more if they knew you were struggling. Think about–’
‘Do not say my dad. This is different. I’m not dead.’
‘I-I–’ she stuttered when she saw the way he clenched his jaw.
‘Lucie.’ He used his warning tone. He may think he was the opposite of Piper, but he was just like her in more ways than one. They must have got their stubbornness from their dad, because Maggie couldalwayssee reason.
‘I just don’t want to lie to your family.’
‘I’m not asking you to, Luce.’ Brett gave her a tight hug, but it did nothing to settle the feeling of dread settling in her stomach.
9
Six hours into his flight home, Brett was trying and failing to fall asleep. He’d got to the airport, demolished his BLT, boarded the plane, listened to some bullshit podcast about sobriety and meditation until he’d heard enough to put his own playlist on, completely unintentionally sung some old-school Justin Bieber out loud, then grabbed the pillow he had swiped from the hotel and leaned up against the window. It must have had duck feathers or something in it, because it was like having a portable cloud. But he couldn’t switch his brain off.
He needed rest. He was emotionally exhausted, and he was scared. Scared of his own brain, of being unable to save himself, of letting people down. Brett was the oldest of his siblings and he had to play the role of protector, he was the man of the house after his father’s passing, he couldn’t let them down.
He didn’t get to where he was in his career by letting fear win, but he’d bottled up his emotions for too long and now Lucie and their friends were the ones having to pick up the pieces.
Brett couldn’t deny it any more, he needed help. This wasn’t something that some R&R and his friends could fix.
He had been going back and forth in his mind formonths now about checking into rehab, but there was always something stopping him. He’d been screwed over so many times by people he considered friends, how could he be sure that someone at the rehab facility wouldn’t sell his secrets? He had limited his circle to co-workers, his childhood best friend and his immediate family.
