Page 25 of Retrograde
‘She’s fine. She’s got meetings galore this week. That’s why she isn’t here.’
‘Hmm. I’m glad she’s garnering so much success.’ Maggie pursed her lips like she didn’t quite believe him. ‘Anyway, be off with you. And please, Brett, end the night in yourownbed.’
What in the hell are you doing, Anderson?He mentally cursed himself as he stood outside Sienna’s apartment. He was stone-cold sober, and in an ideal world he would be staying that way. But God, he could use a drink. He had half a mind to turn around and go home, or better yet, get on a plane to the UK. But tonight was about closure. Or at least, that was what he had been telling himself for the last hour or two.
‘Hey!’ Sienna opened the door looking flustered, but also extremely put-together. Her blonde hair was inwaves with a large black bow on the back of her head, keeping some of it pinned back. She had tanned, and she was wearing a black mini dress that revealed so much thigh she may as well have not worn anything at all. It was hurting his head.
‘You look nice,’ he complimented, unsure if that was a thing they were still doing.
‘Thanks, B! You want a drink?’ She led him into the kitchen, and it was at that moment he wished he’d just met her at the bar.
Somehow, being in an establishment dedicated to serving alcohol seemed less tempting than standing in front of a counter where she had laid out every type of alcohol she owned. Whisky, beer, vodka. You name it, she had it. He shouldn’t have been surprised; Sienna was always known for hosting before they went out.
‘Uhh, thanks, but I’ve already had a fair few. Got to pace myself.’ Now, how was he going to keepthatlie up? He could have taken her to dinner. The cinema. Rented a boat. A helicopter tour over the harbour. Anything except clubbing. He was a monumental idiot, but he didn’t want to upset her and he couldn’t tell her the truth.
‘Fair enough!’ She necked the last of her gin and shook herself out. She was nervous. Brett wasn’t sure what to do with that. She had been nothing but apologetic, and he had been nothing but confused all day.
Ever the gentleman, Brett reached his hand out for her as she descended the steps, and held the door as she got into the taxi. Was he giving off signals? Did he want to give off signals?
By the time they made it to the first bar, his head was utterly scrambled. Sienna had talked his ear off, and he had barely said a word. She must have noticed. She would coax more out of him, and he would oblige, but the conversation depended on her fighting his sudden lack of a personality and pushing through the awkwardness.
It was probably why the second they sat down on those bar stools, Brett found himself ordering a drink. A double JD, his favourite vice.
‘What’s going on?’ Sienna leaned on the counter and gazed at him. He couldn’t even look her in the eye.
‘This just feels a bit weird, right?’
‘We haven’t seen each other for years, Brett. And we didn’t exactly end on good terms. It’s bound to take a minute to find our rhythm and feel comfortable around each other again, but isn’t that what tonight is about? Navigating a friendship? Well, as close as we can get in a short space of time.’ She was so calm about it, her nervousness seeming to have disappeared, not by choice but to save them from an awkward lull.
‘You’re right. I’ll loosen up after a few drinks.’ So there it was. His admission that he wasn’t stopping at one, and he’d already screwed up. He’d been home two days.
‘So, how long are you home for?’ She asked the one question he didn’t want to answer.
‘I’m not so sure. You might see me around more often going forward.’
He hadn’t even figured out if home was where he wanted to be. He already missed his friends, his team, and if he stayed here too long, he risked growingdetached from them. His life for the last ten-plus years had involved going wherever the wind took him, wherever his friends were, wherever there was an event to race. He didn’t know how to stay in one place.
‘I’d like that.’
Brett watched her, paying little attention when his drink was placed on the bar. Was this woman, his childhood friend, previously suspected to be the love of his life, truly the reason for his downfall? Did she hold that much power? Because as she gazed at him softly, he realised all the things he could have done to salvage their relationship. He didn’t give her enough of his time, because he had been busy giving it all to Lucie. Travelling with Lucie, texting Lucie. How had he expected Sienna to compete? Brett should have been doing those things with her.
‘Do you think I was a shit boyfriend?’ He winced both in anticipation of her answer, and at the burn in the back of his throat when he took his first sip.
‘I just think you weren’t ready to be someone’s boyfriend, Brett.’
‘Oh, right. Probably.’
‘I wasn’t the best girlfriend, either. I didn’t respect your lifestyle, and whether that’s because I didn’t understand your world or because I was feeling a little bitter, I’m still not sure.’
‘Thanks for being honest, Sen. Think I needed that.’ He clinked his glass against hers, and although her words should have provided closure, he could still feel a downward spiral pending.
‘I really did care for you, Brett. I still do. Just think you and I are better off keeping things casual, maybe? I’ve accepted I’m not the girl for you, but I do hope you get your shit together and admit what you’ve always wanted.’
He frowned into the amber liquid in silence, too shy to ask what she meant. But as the night wore on, and his phone buzzed a few times with Lucie’s texts and he caught Sienna looking, he figured it out. She meant he should get his shit together and claim Lucie.
But the more he thought about it, and the more he let the consequences weigh on his mind, the further his body shifted towards his ex. A few drinks later and he was practically on top of her, and right as the world came into focus and he was about to take a step back, Sienna made her move. It was the alcohol. It was definitely the alcohol. But hey, she had suggested they keep things casual, and she may have just meant as friends but she hadn’t verbally ruled out sleeping together. Or kissing. His mind was running wild.
The cold, hard truth was, he missed Lucie. And the drink wasn’t enough to make him forget her, but Sienna might just do the trick.
