Page 29 of Retrograde
‘I’m simply stating facts. And Faith isn’t blind. She knows her husband is nice to look at.’
‘Okay, butthisbody is the one that absolutely ruined you for all other men. Have you slept with anyone else since Italy? Or do you lie awake at night, reliving every single second like I do?’ Brett spoke with so much confidence that it stunned her into silence.
‘I–’ Lucie stuttered because no, she hadn’t slept with anyone else. He knew that. She had been with him almost every day since. She hadn’t necessarily been avoiding all other men, but she hadn’t exactly been putting herself out there. She’d been too busy dodging Brett’s advances, both the subtle ones and the not-so-subtle ones and pretending she didn’t desperately want a repeat.
‘Exactly what I thought.’
‘It’s hot in here.’ Lucie’s throat was dry.
Brett snorted at her statement. ‘Smooth, Sunny.’
She wasn’t naïve, she knew he’d been with other women. Snuck them into his hotel room, disappeared at parties. She’d even caught him in a bathroom at a restaurant once during a team night out. That was just who Brett was. Did it bother her? Yes, but at the same time she didn’twanthim. Well, she did. Just not like– you know what? Never mind. Lucie had to admit she had been growing more and more confused by her feelings for Brett every year. Being so close probably didn’t help, but they were attached at the hip. Living their lives any differently just wouldn’t make sense to them.
This whole situation would be a million times easier if he wasn’t Brett. If she didn’t know him as well as she did. She knew everything there was to know. The way his mind worked, how he approached conflict and theproblems life threw at him. Well, aside from indulging in excessive drinking. She’d missed that one.
But most of all, Lucie knew that Brett loved everything about his life. He lived the kind of lifestyle no man in his right mind would want to give up, and she would never dream of asking him to, but their two wants and needs around a relationship just didn’t match. Especially not after he’d tried to settle down with Sienna, and that went up in flames. Nothing would sway him into commitment.
‘I’m going to make a banana smoothie, you want one?’ Brett rifled through the refrigerator, oblivious to her inner turmoil.
‘I’m good, got to go and shoot some content. See you later.’ Lucie scurried through the door, forgetting she had a half-eaten cookie in her hand. The only thing she did have an appetite for was Brett Anderson.
‘I think we have to accept there’s a strong chance he’s bullshitting us and that he’s not actually okay,’ Julien mumbled to Lucie.
They were in the garage on the morning of qualifying, watching Brett do yoga in the middle of the garage. Yoga mat, workout gear, the lot. He even had the sunrise behind him, making the scene look like one of those social media photos with motivational quotes on. Lucie thought how funny it would be if he were doing this when fans were in the pit lane, viewing the cars. They would give anything to witness a racing driver in downward dog.
But instead, it was barely dawn and Lucie and Juleswere concerned. Brett had done this three days in a row in various places; the garage, the trailer, and in his and Lucie’s now-shared hotel room. Her room had a double bed, but Brett was naturally a touchy-feely person even in his sleep. He was making her life hell with their night-time spooning and ‘cuddle time’.
He’d been making smoothies multiple times a day, eating healthily aside from stealing her pistachio cookies, turning down alcohol at dinner and going for runs twice a day around the circuit, either alone or with his trainer. He’d even had a couple of chats with the team psychologist.
Those were all normal things for a racing driver, but they weren’t normal for Brett. He had always been able to get away with half-assing those things on race week because he was so overly-prepared the rest of the year.
‘It’s like he’s going over the top in an attempt to prove himself, right?’ she whispered.
‘Yeah, and all it’s doing is making us think he’s worse than he’s letting on,’ Julien frowned.
‘We have to trust him until he gives us a reason not to, though. We can’t baby him otherwise he’ll start shutting down and hiding his emotions. I got him to open up a bit yesterday, I think he’s on the right path.’
‘I don’t know, Luce. I’m just worried that this complete one-eighty he’s done is too good to be true. I’ve seen this before, my very first teammate completely let himself go. Lost everything. We thought he was okay, but he wasn’t.’ Julien’s jaw tensed.
Before she could answer and ease Julien’s concerns, Brett’s voice reached them from his spot on the floor.
‘Are you guys just going to stand there and stare at my ass all day? I know the view is impressive, but please, have some self-control. You’re embarrassing yourselves.’ Brett looked at them upside down from between his legs. ‘Anyone joining me?’
‘Screw it, I will.’ Lucie whipped her Revolution Racing hoodie off, revealing her purple sports bra, and left it in a heap on the floor.
‘You two are ridiculous.’ Julien laughed while they got into the lotus position, shaking his head as he left them to it.
‘We could try these yoga positions in the bedroom instead, if you want?’ Brett winked at her with a low laugh.
‘Anderson!’ Lucie’s arm shot out and smacked him in the chest, disrupting the peace. He had joked about it before the Alps, but back then she had believed it was just that: a joke. Now that lines were slightly more blurred, she could never be sure if his teasing held more meaning. Given that they had almost slept together again in Vegas, before her freak-out, she feared it might be the latter.
He shrugged. ‘Offer’s there.’
‘I thought you were swearing off women for a few months, anyway?’ Lucie asked. He’d made a passing comment before he went back to Australia about not getting mixed up with anyone, and her stupid brain had clung to that with what she unfortunately believed might be an inkling of hope that he was waiting for her. But these comments showed he was the same old Brett, he only wanted one thing and that wasn’t a relationship.
‘You’re notwomen,Lucie. You’re you. The trust is there, the sexual chemistry is there. What if it’s just as magical as it was two years ago?’ Brett’s tone was softer than usual, like he knew this was a sensitive subject. His usual cocky confidence was nowhere to be seen, and when Lucie’s eyes flew open in shock, his were still closed.Magical? Did Brett ever think that about other women he’d been with?
‘Brett, you don’t mean that.’
