Page 47 of Retrograde
‘I’m off the team?’
‘No, you’re taking a step back.’
‘But I’m not racing at Le Mans?’
‘No.’
‘Shit.’ Brett’s eyes welled up with tears, and despite the way he’d just spoken to her, Lucie squeezed past Jasper and wrapped her arms around her best friend.
He wasn’t himself. That much was clear. Brett liked to think he could put on a brave face and just get on with life, but tonight had unveiled the truth. He still had a long way to go and a lot of trauma to work through, and he couldn’t do it alone. Whatever he did next, he needed to hit the reset button. And Lucie knew exactly the place to take him.
19
After he’d literally got on his knees and begged for her forgiveness, Lucie and Brett had been snuck out of the back entrance of the event in Monaco, still in their formalwear, and Jasper’s driver had taken them to the airport, where their suitcases had been delivered from the hotel and there was a small flight crew waiting to take them away.
‘I’m sorry, Sunny,’ he mumbled again, close to a full-scale breakdown in the bedroom at the back of Revolution’s private plane.
‘I’m at my breaking point too, and I’m not trying to guilt trip you, but you have to understand that your choices don’t just impact you. But I don’t need verbal apologies, I need action. I need you to focus on getting to the root of your problems.’
‘You don’t have to be here with me, Luce. I understand if you want some space.’
‘No, I told you, we’re a team. But don’t think you’re going to be easily forgiven.’ She swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched sobs wrack his body.
‘I want to get better, Luce. I don’t want to keep hurting myself, or you, or my family. My fuckingteammates. I’ve let so many people down just because I couldn’t hold it together. I was stupid to think I had it all figuredout. I just wanted so badly to believe that I was fine, that I was healed.’ Brett fiddled with his watch, a Rolex gifted to him by the organisation on his first race win. ‘I was spiralling when I flew home to Sydney without you.’
‘I think tonight was a bit of a giveaway, Anderson. But you can’t use me as a crutch, you’ve got to learn to cope on your own.’
‘I slept with Sienna.’ He sobbed again, a fresh wave of tears hitting him.
‘You didwhat? Was it just the once? The first time you went home?’ Lucie couldn’t hide her anger at his stupidity, it was like he was actively trying to hurt himself at this point.
‘Yeah.’ He looked as sick as Lucie felt. ‘Nothing happened the night I came home to you. The night I kissed you.’ As if that made it any better.
‘Why didn’t you just walk away?’
‘I wasn’t thinking straight. It was alot, all the emotional upheaval from the last couple of months. My head was a mess. I wanted answers, closure, to feel like the old me again and forget everything else I was feeling. We’d bumped into each other that morning, and it felt normal. Comfortable. That second night I went to see her, I was just reminded of the way she betrayed me and I realised I shut the door on her for a reason.’
‘That door is now deadbolted, right?’ She took a deep breath.
‘Thrown away the key.’
‘I hate to ask, but she doesn’t know about the drinking, does she?’
‘No, but… maybe I should speak out about my situation, let my fans know why I’ve just disappeared off the face of the planet. They’re going to be confused about why I’m not racing all of a sudden. Especially because I raced at Spa and Monza. I started the season, but I’m not going to finish it. That’s not usual.’
‘You know it’s risky, Brett. Sponsors might not like the truth.’
‘No, but they might like the honesty. The opportunity to bring awareness to mental health and the effects of alcoholism,’ Brett mumbled, proving he wasn’t confident in his words.
‘But first, you need to focus on getting yourself into a position that allows you to use your voice in the way you want. Right now, you’re in the thick of it. Barely in the first step of recovery.’ Lucie spoke gently, hoping she didn’t offend him.
‘Yeah, speaking of. Where the bloody hell are you taking me, Carolan? I’m being held hostage on my own team’s plane. We’re about to be thirty-five thousand feet in the air. It’s unnerving. For all I know, you’re going to drop me over some deserted island and make me live out the rest of the season catching my own food and shredding coconuts.’
‘Do you trust me?’ she laughed. Now the hard stuff was out of the way, jokester Brett was allowed to make his return. Anything to make this feel a little more normal.
‘Always,’ he nodded.
‘We’re going to spend the summer with my parents.’
