Page 80 of Retrograde
‘A broken-hearted big girl.’ She tried to copy the puppy-dog eyes that Marco did when he wanted them to use his ideas for videos.
‘Fine, but you must promise me you’ll speak to him before Christmas.’ Faith pointed at her menacingly. ‘It’s almost December already, you’d better get it together ASAP. You can’t be miserable at Christmas; I won’t allow it.’
Lucie had known about this event since way before she and Brett had gone their separate ways. It was an annual Christmas fundraiser for the IEC, where all the teams got together and invited their sponsors and partners of the organisation to raise money for charity. She loved it. There was no content schedule although Revolution Racing and the IEC both expected photos and videos to be posted, so it was an opportunity to mingle and enjoy being part of the motorsport world.
But this year would be different. She knew Brett was coming, it was his big test. His welcome back to team duties after months and months away. Marco had come and found her in the hotel and told her his flight had landed, and then he’d sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed while she’d held in her tears and tried not to cry her makeup off.
Tonight was the first time she would have any interaction with Brett since she saw him in Sydney. She’d spent weeks going back and forth with the idea of reaching out to smooth things over, but it wasn’t a conversation to be had over text. She had muted him on social media, so she no longer had to see what he was doing every time she opened the app, but prior to doing that a month ago, she knew he’d just been hanging out with his family every day. There had been no sightings of Sienna, although she couldn’t imagine he would want to make that public.
Marco tapped on the bathroom door. ‘Lucie? You ready?’ he called through.
Having a date to this event wasn’t a thing, especiallynot for IEC staff, but her team didn’t want her walking in alone. Julien and Faith would be arm in arm, and Marco wasn’t about to let Lucie go solo and come face to face with Brett without emotional support. Besides, Brett would probably walk in with Elliot from Havelin Racing or Lucas from Talos Sport, all of them, including him, oblivious to the war raging inside her.
‘I feel sick, Mars,’ Lucie murmured, as he led her to the stairs. The fundraiser was being held in the ballroom of a hotel by Lake Geneva, and it was by far the most beautiful venue she’d ever visited for work.
She should be feeling confident. Her makeup had been salvaged and looked as flawless as it had earlier this afternoon, her hair was in loose waves, and she wore a deep red satin ballgown which accentuated her figure perfectly. Highlighted those curves a certain someone adored. If she homed in on the way her friends had gasped and spun her round, she did feel confident. But it was all torn down the second Brett came to mind.
‘Anderson incoming in four, three, two…’ Marco warned, but no amount of time could have prepared her. Not the months of no contact she’d had, holed up in Belgium. Not the seconds it took them to reach the bottom of the stairs, where Brett stood waiting.
He looked good. Healthy. And Lucie’s heart shattered for the millionth time. He didn’t need her any more, and while that should be a good thing, it made her feel worse. She wanted him to need her, and it wasn’t because of her ego. The look he gave her was no longer one of desire. It was pain. The look of someone who had once knownall the right things to say to her, and now couldn’t muster up a single word.
Marco simply nodded at him, an indication that they would talk later, and hurried Lucie towards the crowd. But as she took a step past him, the hem of her gown sweeping over his shoes, she was so in her own head, she almost missed it. His hand, brushing ever so slightly against hers. And when she glanced back at him and his brown eyes softened, she knew it had been deliberate.
‘Thanks, Mars.’ Lucie heaved a sigh of relief when they got to the bar.
‘You’ll get there.’ Marco handed her a double rum and coke.
‘Maybe.’
Now seated at the Revolution table waiting for their meal to be served, Lucie could feel his eyes on her. He was unrelenting, but every time she dared to glance in his direction, he looked away. It was awkward. They had never done awkward. They had worked so well as friends because conversation flowed, they could flirt and joke around without consequence, and after the hiking trip they had been able to brush it under the rug. This was new and abnormal, and she didn’t know how to approach it. How to approach him. So she wouldn’t.
‘How’s Belgium been treating you?’ Brett spoke across the table so out of the blue that she hadn’t realised he’d been talking to her. The first words out of his mouth in so long, and they weren’t words of anger. It was a start.
‘Um, yeah. Good, thanks.’ Was that all she couldmanage? ‘How’s Australia?’ She didn’t want the answer unless Sienna was excluded from the narrative.
‘Decent. Been with the fam. Lots of smoothies and cordial.’ He looked at his glass, drawing her attention to it. He’d ordered fruit juice, at a Michelin-star-catered five-course meal. It tugged at her heartstrings.
Lucie couldn’t give him anything more than a smile as her first course was presented to her, and when she was faced with the food, her appetite vanished along with the strength she had mustered moments ago. She needed to get away from this table. Away from him.
She excused herself and walked as fast as she could to the restrooms in the hotel lobby, only relaxing when she was around the corner and could take a deep breath away from all the prying eyes.
Brett hated this. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her how beautiful she looked, all the things he wanted to do to her. It just wasn’t his place any more. Truthfully, it had never been his place. He’d always called her his Lucie, his sunshine girl, but she’d never been his. In his own heart, yes, but not really. He had walked away because she’d hurt him when she hadn’t told him she felt the same, and now she seemed to be hurting twice as much as he ever had been. Surely that must mean part of herdidfeel something too?
If Sienna hadn’t been at the club the night Lucie came looking for him, they might have stood a chance. He’d have forgiven her in a heartbeat, having realised he had no right to be hurt.
He so badly wanted to prove himself to her. To prove he was so far detached from the person she thought he was, the guy who slept with random women in restrooms and flirted with anyone and everyone. He hadn’t been that Brett since the hiking trip. He didn’t know why he’d kissed Sienna. She was there and Lucie wasn’t. If Lucie had been, it would’ve been her. If she’d let him.
And now he doubted he would ever get the chance again. He’d been fighting his feelings all evening, desperate to tell her he missed her. Desperate to know if at leastthatfeeling was mutual. He had managed a few sentences before she’d walked away, and he felt like an idiot. He should’ve gone after her. He just didn’t know if he was ready. Or her for that matter.
Alcohol hadn’t even been a temptation over the last few months. He’d found a genuine love for trying non-alcoholic versions of his favourite beers, and all the different flavoured soft drinks on offer. He didn’t want it. He’d been working so hard, doing therapy once a week and doing all the exercises and workshops that had been suggested to him. His racing sim at his apartment had been waiting for him when he got home, updated and ready to go, and he’d thrown himself into it. He’d been rethinking his entire life plan, and he hadn’t come up with anything that didn’t include Lucie.
‘How has she been?’ he asked Julien, careful not to be so loud that anyone else heard them. Faith may be one of his closest friends, but he was pretty sure she’d chop off one of his favourite body parts given half the chance.
‘Honestly? Pretty decent. She’s taken herself off ona few adventures around the area, thrown herself into work, as she does. The crying has died down in front of an audience, but I don’t know what she’s been like behind closed doors.’
‘Do you think I could come and visit soon?’ he asked.
Julien nodded, quite enthusiastically all things considered. ‘Why don’t you come for Christmas? Marco’s coming and Lucie is still staying with us, it wouldn’t feel right not to have you there.’
