Page 3 of Royal Love
He pulls up the sleeve of his suit jacket and checks his watch. “What time are you planning on clocking out tonight?”
When I glance at the clock on my desk, it reads three p.m. Typically I’m here for three more hours, but I’ve had enough for the day. Being out in public, like I was earlier, takes a lot out of me. “I think I’m going to go see what Lia’s doing and head out.”
His eyebrows go up, and he nods, but he doesn’t say anything to give away his surprise. “Then I’ll make sure that you all make it to the residential side and then check out for the night myself. You know where I am, if you need me.”
I do. I make it a habit to know where he is. In case there’s a chance I might need help, or Lia might need a quick getaway, I need to know where he and Shannon are at all times. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that. It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world to constantly be thinking of a getaway, but I’m starting to accept this is who I am now. Things changed the moment Haldonia got bombed, and I’m not sure they’ll ever go back to what they were before. I mean, I’m not sure they’re supposed to. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. There are moments that affect your entire life. They may be five seconds or five months, but they can stop you in your tracks and change the trajectory of everything. A word someone says, a global pandemic, or war. It’s life-changing, and trying to figure out who you are after that change? It’s not easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Getting up, I throw a smile atParker. It doesn’t reach my eyes, and I know it. Not many have for the last few weeks, and I leave my office, heading for Lia’s.
When I get there, I knock, waiting for her voice.
“You may enter.”
It’s all so proper, and I hate how I didn’t just walk in. The me from a few months ago would’ve just walked in and to hell with the consequences. “Hey,” I say as I walk in, and then stop a few feet inside. Putting my hands in the pockets of my slacks, I rock back on my heels. Nerves dance in my stomach, so different from what it was in the before times.
“Hey yourself.” Her smile is so bright I can see it from across the room. “You’re here early.” She glances down at the clock.
“Yeah.” I reach back and grasp the doorframe with my hands, holding on so that I don’t reach out and grab her. If I touch her, then I might not be able to keep it together. “Decided it was over with for the day. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. Thought we could go have dinner earlier than normal, then spend some time together.” That hadn’t been my original idea, but as soon as I saw her sitting there behind her desk, those plans changed. It’s been too long since I cuddled her and took a few minutes to relax. It’s as if I’ve been in a constant state of fight or flight. My heart hasn’t had a prolonged amount of time to rest, and I can feel it in the tightness of my chest.
Her cheeks flush pink, giving her the look of pleasure. Back before I was drug into the situation with Crona, I saw this all the time—her looking at me with a secret smile, a twinkle in her eyes, and the knowledge that we’d be having a good time together in a few short hours. The trauma I suffered, and her too, has changed all of that. I’m trying to get it back, but I have no idea if I’m even skimming the surface.
“That sounds great to me,” she finally answers. “I have a couple of things I need to do, and then I’ll be ready to go. Fifteen minutes?” She raises her eyebrows.
I don’t want to go back to my office and be alone. I’m craving being next to her, not being by myself. Maybe this means I’m starting to turn a corner because I’ve had my fair share of wanting to be a loner since we came home. It’s all I can hope for.
CHAPTER 4
AMELIA
I’m surprised when Tristan comes to the door and then walks through it. He hasn’t done this in longer than I care to admit. I’ve been doing my best not to impose my thoughts about how he should be handling the big feelings he must have on him, but this gives me some hope.
“Mind if I stay while you finish up?” he asks.
This surprises me even more, and I do my best to keep it off my face. “You can stay with me anytime. You never have to ask.” Now I wish I hadn’t told Shannon I would finish a few of the tasks to get us started in the morning.
My eyes track him as he leans back against the cushions of the couch and spreads his legs out, lying down. I had hoped when he came back from war, those dark circles would go away under his eyes. That was one of my biggest hopes and prayers for him. That after being on for so long he would be able to relax and catch up on sleep. Now I realize how naïve that was. I should’ve anticipated he would have issues, but I didn’t, and now I don’t know how to help him. His eyes are closed, dark eyelashes kissing his cheeks, but behind those eyelids, he isn’trestful. There’s movement, and his legs are twitching. Quickly, I hurry to finish up what I’ve been working on.
When I’m finished, I get up and do my best to make as much noise as possible crossing the room. I’ve learned how bad it can be to wake Tristan up without him knowing you’re there. When I get close, his eyes pop open, and he stares at me like he doesn’t recognize me. “Tris, it’s me, Lia. Do you know where you are?” This is another part I’ve learned. I have to make sure he knows who I am. Assuming can be dangerous.
He looks around, like he doesn’t recognize my office, and then it seems to hit him. “Did I fall asleep?” His voice is full of deep gravel, and the sound runs over my arms.
“You did. I know you’re tired.” I reach out to him, running my fingers through his hair. “You’re not sleeping well at night, so I know you need to be getting it where you can.”
His eyes shutter. “I’m doing the best I can, Lia. It’s not been easy.”
“I know.” I reach out, grabbing his hand with mine. “I wish there was something I could do for you.”
“What is it you want to do for me?” he asks in a tone I don’t love. It’s almost accusatory.
“Whatever I can to make this easier. You’re my husband, the father of my child.” I reach down, cupping my barely there bump. “More than anything, I want you to be okay.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay,” he admits.
And that’s a truth I’m going to have to accept. I can’t force him to blindly tell me he’s good when he isn’t. That’s not what marriage is, as much as I would like for it to be. “We’re going to figure this out. No matter how long it takes. We’ll have the life we wanted, Tris.”
He presses his lips together in a firm line. “I wish I could believe you, babe. But right now, it just doesn’t seem possible.
“I know, and I’ll keep the faith alive for both of us.” I have to because I won’t let us become a statistic, I refuse to let us fail. From the moment I walked into the room next door and was introduced to Tristan, I knew he was my future. I won’t let him go because things aren’t easy. Marriage is work, and we’ll figure it out.
As we make our way to the main living area of the castle, he holds my hand tightly. It makes me wonder if it’s for him or for me. Regardless, it feels good for his strong warmth to be wrapped around my smaller and colder hand.
