Page 21 of Unholy Confessions
"Yeah, I'm going to try and see you before the show, but if not I'll meet you afterward." I tell him, pulling back. "Is that cool?"
"Yeah, we'll pull an all-nighter together if you want."
We used to do that all the time, but as I've gotten older it's been harder. "I'll do my best to keep up with you, RJ."
He sighs, pursing his lips. "All I ask is your best, babe."
Throwing my head back, I giggle. "You always get the best of me. I gotta go, I'll see you later."
"Love you," he throws the words to my back as I'm leaving.
"Love you, too."
The nail salon is buzzing with activity when Lauren and I settle into the pedicure chairs. I've missed this – just girl time without the chaos of tour life swirling around us every time I get to see her. It's not like she's in Nashville every other week and able to meet while I'm finishing up college. Lauren picks a deep burgundy polish while I go for my usual hot pink.
"So how's everything been?" I ask as the nail tech gets to work. "With the band, I mean. And with you."
Lauren shrugs, but there's something in her expression that makes me pay closer attention. "Good, mostly. Busy as hell, obviously. The guys have been working non-stop." She pauses, glancing at me. "Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something. Have you noticed RJ seems... I don't know, different lately?"
My stomach tightens. "Different how?"
"Just tired, you know? More than usual. And his moods have been all over the place the past month or so. One minute he's bouncing off the walls, the next he's completely shut down." She lowers her voice. "EJ's noticed it too."
I bite my lip, considering how much to share. Lauren's been around long enough to know about RJ's struggles, but I still feel protective of his privacy. "He's been on medication for his ADHD and depression for a while now. It usually helps a lot, but..." I trail off, not sure how to put my fears into words.
"But what?"
"Sometimes the meds stop working as well. Or they need to be adjusted. We've only had to deal with that once. Before he got on them, it was really hard. The mood swings were intense, and he'd go days barely sleeping or eating." I watch the nail tech paint careful strokes across my toes. "I just worry that maybe what he's taking isn't doing the job anymore."
Lauren nods thoughtfully. "That makes sense. I mean, he's still incredible onstage, but backstage he just seems... scattered. More than his usual scattered."
"Has he talked to anyone about it? His doctor, or...?"
"You know RJ. He hates admitting when something's not working." Lauren sighs. "Maybe you could bring it up?"
"Maybe." But I know how that conversation will go. RJ doesn't like feeling like his mental health is being managed or monitored, even by people who love him.
We spend the rest of our appointment talking about day-to-day shit – Lauren's new apartment, my classes back home, gossip about other bands we're loving. But RJ's struggles hover in the back of my mind like a storm cloud on a summer afternoon.
By the time we make it to the venue, Grey Skies is already about to take the stage. I can see RJ with his guitar, strumming chords as he watches the crowd from stage left with that focused intensity he gets before a show.
Lauren leads me to the spot she's reserved right at the front of the barricade. "Best view in the house," she says with a grin.
When the lights dim and Grey Skies strolls on as a group, the energy in the room shifts completely. EJ commands attention the moment he grabs the microphone, but my eyes are locked on RJ.
He looks incredible up there – hair falling in his eyes, fingers flying as he plays with passion normally reserves for me. When he catches sight of me in the crowd during the second song, his whole face lights up. He throws me a wink that makes my knees go weak, and I blow him a kiss in return.
The flirting continues throughout the set. During a slower song, he makes eye contact with me and mouths "beautiful" while his fingers continue moving effortlessly across the strings. I press my hand to my heart dramatically, making him laugh so hard he almost misses a chord change. I grab my phone out of my back pocket and take a few pictures, along with a couple of videos. It'll keep me from missing him so much when I go back to school. Watching the ones that are posted to social media is okay, but the ones where his eyes are right on me, and it's like we're the only two people in the middle of thousands. These will get me through the lonely nights.
"You two are disgusting," Lauren shouts in my ear, but she's grinning.
"Jealous!" I shout back.
The show is electric. RJ's playing is tight and powerful, and watching him lose himself in the music never gets old. This is where he comes alive – with his guitar in his hands, surrounded by the chaos and energy of a live crowd. When they finish their set with their biggest hit, the entire venue is on their feet screaming, and I am more proud than I've ever been.
Backstage is a madhouse of crew members breaking down equipment and band members coming down from their performance high. I weave through the chaos until I spot RJ pulling his t-shirt off and reaching for a clean one.
"Hey, rockstar," I flirt.
