Page 34 of Unholy Confessions
"I'm gonna use the bathroom real quick," I announce to no one in particular.
In the small bathroom off the kitchen, I lock the door and pull out the bottle with shaking hands. The orange plastic rattles as I shake one pill into my palm. Then another.
Just one, I tell myself again, but I'm already swallowing both dry.
I splash cold water on my face and stare at my reflection. "Get it together, Thompson," I mutter.
By the time I make it back outside, the familiar warmth is already spreading through my system. The shaking stops. The fog lifts. Suddenly, I feel like myself again—better than myself.
"So, EJ," I say, sliding back into my seat, "tell me about this new song you've been working on."
For the next hour, I'm on fire. I'm cracking jokes that have everyone laughing, telling stories about tour that have Mom wiping tears from her eyes, and generally being the most charming version of myself. I can't seem to sit still, though. I'm bouncing my leg under the table, drumming my fingers on the wood, constantly shifting in my seat.
"You seem energetic today," Montgomery observes, and there's something in her tone that makes me look at her more closely.
"Just happy to be here," I say quickly. "And the caffeine from that Coke is hitting me hard."
But even as I say it, I know I need to calm down. I'm talking too fast, moving too much. Everyone's going to notice if I keep this up.
Just breathe, I tell myself. Act normal.
But I can't seem to slow down. When Jared asks about our next album, I launch into an animated explanation of our recording process that goes on for at least ten minutes without stopping. When Shell mentions the flowers in her garden, I somehow end up giving an impromptu lecture about soil pH levels that I have no business knowing anything about. It's just something that caught my attention one night when I was trying to fall asleep.
Montgomery's watching me more intently now, her brow furrowed with concern. Every time I catch her eye, she looks away quickly, but I can feel her studying me when she thinks I'm not looking.
As the afternoon winds down and people start to clean up, I force myself to sit on my hands to stop the constant motion. My jaw aches from clenching it, and I realize I've been grinding my teeth for the past hour.
"We should probably head out," Montgomery says quietly as Shell starts covering the leftover food.
"Yeah, good idea." I stand up too quickly, and the world tilts slightly. "Thanks for having us, Shell. Jared, great seeing you."
I make my rounds, hugging everyone goodbye, trying to ignore the way Montgomery stays close to my side like she's afraid I might bolt.
In the driveway, she hesitates by her car. "I think I'm going to head back to my apartment tonight," she says carefully. "I have some work to catch up on."
My heart sinks, but I nod. "Sure, of course. Whatever you need."
She steps closer and kisses my cheek. "I love you, RJ. You know that, right?"
"I love you too," I reply, and I mean it more than anything.
She gives me one last searching look before getting in her car. I wave as she drives away, then sit in my truck for a long moment, staring at my hands on the steering wheel. They're perfectly steady now.
Back at home, I'm pacing around my living room when my phone buzzes.
M: I love you. And if you have anything you need to get off your chest, I'm here. Always.
I stare at the message for a long time before typing back.
R: I don't keep secrets from you. You know that.
But even as I hit send, the lie sits heavy in my chest. Because I am keeping secrets. Big ones. And I have no idea how much longer I can keep this up before everything falls apart.
Chapter 18
Montgomery
I've been up most of the night, thinking about what the fuck is going on with RJ, so this morning I'm dragging ass, and not exactly sure what I want to do. All I've managed to do so far is move my ass to the couch, curl up in a blanket, turn on some awful TV, and start eating my way through my weight in Iced Strawberry Pop Tarts.
