Page 5 of Unholy Confessions
I swallow hard. These are things I told Mom, but it feels different telling Dad. As if it's more permanent, and more serious. "He's so angry all the time. Like, he gets irritated at the smallest things. Last week, some kid at school accidentally bumped into him in the hallway, and RJ just exploded. Started yelling about how everyone needs to watch where they're going, how people don't pay attention to anything. The kid was terrified."
Dad nods slowly, processing everything I'm telling him. "Hannah and Garrett? Do they know about any of this?"
"I don't think so." I shake my head. "Garrett's been doing so much lately. Obviously you know the touring, but he's helping a few newer bands get off their feet." Dad nods. "When he is home, he's either in the studio or dealing with all that stuff. RJ says he feels invisible in his own house. And EJ..." I trail off, not wanting to make things worse.
"What about EJ?"
"He's gotten so wrapped up in his own band that he barely talks to RJ anymore. Tonight, when RJ dropped me off, he told me that EJ's band is playing at The Lounge next week, and he wasn't even invited. His own brother didn't invite him."
Dad's expression grows more concerned. "That's a big deal, playing The Lounge. That's not the kind of show you exclude family from."
"I know." My voice cracks a little. "Dad, I've never seen him like this. He's always been intense, you know? But this is different. It's like he's drowning and he doesn't know how to ask for help."
"And you've been carrying this alone?" Dad asks, his voice soft.
I nod, and suddenly tears are burning my eyes. "I didn't know what to do. He's my best friend, and I love him, and I want to help him, but I don't know how. Tonight, before we left the warehouse, he got in this fight with some guy who was talking about his family. The way he hit him, Dad... it was like he wanted to hurt him as much as possible."
Dad is quiet for a long moment, and I can practically see him thinking. His experience with his own struggles has made him incredibly perceptive when it comes to recognizing when someone is in trouble.
"You said he's not sleeping well," he says finally. "Is he eating?"
"Not really. I had to convince him to get Hattie B's tonight, and he told me he hadn't eaten all day. Just toast this morning."
"And the irritability, the inability to concentrate, the need for physical release through fighting..." Dad lists off the symptoms like he's checking boxes. "Montgomery, these are all signs of someone who's struggling with more than just teenage anger."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that RJ might be dealing with depression, or anxiety, or both. The fighting, the lack of sleep, the isolation – these are all ways people try to cope when they're overwhelmed." He squeezes my hand. "You did the right thing telling me, sweetheart. RJ needs help, and he needs it from adults who know how to get it for him."
"But what if he hates me?" The question comes out in a rush. "We just... tonight we..." I feel my cheeks burning. "We kissed. For the first time. And now I'm telling you all this stuff about him. What if he feels like I betrayed him?"
Dad's grins, his eyes soft. "Yeah? The two of you? You've been destined to be together since you were kids."
"I've had feelings for him for a while now," I admit, embarrassed as hell. In fact I've never been more embarrassed than I am right now. "But tonight felt different. Like maybe he feels the same way. And now I'm terrified that I'm going to ruin everything."
"Montgomery, look at me." His tone tells me to do as he says. I meet his eyes. "You're not ruining anything. You're trying to save your best friend. Do you think RJ would want to keep going down this path? Do you think he's happy?"
"No," I whisper, tears pooling in my eyes. "He's miserable. He told me tonight that I'm the only good thing in his life right now."
"Then you telling me about this isn't betrayal. It's love. It's recognizing that someone you care about is in pain and doing something about it. How many times do you think your mom has come to me and told me this shit? It's not an easy conversation for us, Montomgery. But your mom does it because she loves me, she's concerned, and I feel that love more strongly, every single time she takes care of me," he says, softly.
I've never known this about my parents and while some people think it might make them weak, I know it makes them stronger.
I nod, wiping at my eyes. "So what do we do?"
"I need to talk to Garrett," Dad says decisively. "I know he's been busy with the tour, but this can't wait. RJ needs professional help, and he needs his family to step up and support him."
"You really think Garrett will listen?"
"Garrett's my best friend, and he loves his kids. Sometimes when you're in the middle of a tour like this, it's easy to lose sight of what's happening at home. But once he knows what's going on, he'll do whatever it takes to help RJ."
I feel a mixture of relief and terror. Relief that I'm not carrying this alone anymore, that adults are going to step in and help. Terror that RJ is going to find out I'm the one who told, and that he's going to hate me for it.
"What if RJ never forgives me?" I ask, my voice small.
"Then he's not the person you think he is," Dad says firmly. "But I know RJ, Montgomery. I've watched him grow up. He's a good kid who's going through a rough time. When he gets the help he needs, when he's thinking clearly again, he'll understand that you did this because you love him."
"I hope you're right."
