Page 59 of Unholy Confessions
But mostly, I think about the cocaine on the coffee table, and how close I came to choosing it over everything else that matters.
Twenty minutes later, I'm in the back seat of a black car, driving toward the airport and the scariest thing I've ever done. But also, maybe, the most important. My dad sits in the back with him. He'll fly with me to Malibu, and then he'll come back home.
Dad squeezes my hand as we pull away from my house. "I'm proud of you," he says.
For the first time in longer than I can remember, I think I might be proud of me too.
Just a little bit. But it's a start.
Chapter 28
Montgomery
Two Weeks Later
"How is he?"
EJ has asked me to meet him for dinner at Hattie B's. One of mine and RJ's favorite places to eat back when we were best friends in high school. This is where we first talked about his mental health struggles, where he promised me he'd tell others about it.
This feels like a full-circle moment.
And right now EJ looks so much like his brother it makes my heart clench in my chest. RJ's been in rehab for a week, but it feels like a lifetime.
He hasn't asked to speak to me, and I haven't wanted to push that boundary. I know he's doing hard things, necessary things.
"It's rough. They're trying to figure out a good treatment plan for his ADHD and depression without the narcotic medication he was taking."
I'm pushing my chicken fingers around on the plate. Typically this place makes my mouth water, but right now it's making my stomach hurt. "Is that all he was doing?" I finally get up the nerve to ask. "Because there toward the end, it felt like something completely different had taken over for him."
EJ takes a drink of his Coke, shaking the ice and looking out at the street. "Yeah, he'd moved on to harder drugs. As far as I know cocaine, but who knows. He hasn't exactly been an open book for any of us the past few months."
Appetite gone, I push my plate away and sigh. "What exactly did you want to meet me for?"
He shifts in his seat. "I have some things I want to talk to you about, and I want you to hear me out completely before you say anything."
God I don't like the sound of this, but I'm willing to at least listen. "Okay."
"When he gets out, we'll be going on the European leg of the tour, he will have support, but I don't think you should be a part of that support."
The words hit me like a physical blow. I feel my mouth drop open, heat flooding my face as anger surges through me. "Excuse me?"
EJ holds up his hand. "Montgomery, you said you'd hear me out?—"
"No." I slam my hand on the table, causing it to rattle. "You don't get to sit there and tell me I can't be there for him. I'm the only one who's been there for RJ through all of this. Where were you when he was spiraling? Where were any of you?"
"That's exactly the problem," EJ says, his voice frustratingly calm.
"The problem?" My voice is getting louder, and I can feel other diners starting to look our way, but I don't care. "The problem is that I loved him enough to stay? That I didn't abandon him when things got hard?"
EJ raises his eyebrows at me, and something in his expression makes my stomach drop. "I talked to Skylar yesterday."
My blood runs cold. Skylar. My best friend who knows every doubt I've ever had, every moment of weakness, every tear I've cried over RJ's behavior these past months.
"Can you honestly sit there and tell me you were one hundred percent in that relationship?" EJ continues, his voice gentle but relentless. "Can you tell me there wasn't a part of you that was already checking out?"
The question hangs in the air between us like a grenade with the pin pulled. I want to lie. I want to scream at him that of course I was all in, that I never doubted RJ, never doubted us. But the words stick in my throat because we both know they wouldn't be true.
"I..." I start, then stop, my hands trembling as I reach for my water glass. "That's not fair."
