Page 6 of Unholy Confessions
"I am." Dad pulls me into a hug, kissing my forehead. "You're incredibly brave, you know that? It takes courage to speak up when someone you love is in trouble. A lot of people would have kept quiet, hoped things would get better on their own."
"I don't feel brave," I mumble into his shoulder. "I feel like I'm breaking a promise."
"No, sweetheart. You were keeping a promise. The promise to care about someone no matter what."
We sit there for a while, and I let myself feel the weight of what I've just done. I've essentially started a chain of events that's going to change everything for RJ. His parents are going to find out about the fighting, about his struggles. He's going to have to get help, whether he wants it or not.
"When are you going to call Garrett?" I ask, needing a heads up so that I can prepare myself, in case he gets mad at me.
"Tonight. This can't wait." Dad pulls back to look at me. "I want you to know that whatever happens, you did the right thing. And if RJ gets angry, if he lashes out at you, you come to me. Okay?"
"Okay."
"And Montgomery? The fact that you two kissed tonight doesn't change anything. You're still fifteen, and he's still sixteen, and you're both dealing with a lot of big emotions. Don't put pressure on yourselves to figure out what that means right now. It took me a lot of years, and a lot of therapy to understand how to deal with big feelings," he runs a hand through his hair. "So when you have those, I want you to come to me, and I want to teach you how to deal with them better than I ever did."
I nod, even though I know it's going to be impossible not to think about it. The kiss, the way it felt, the way RJ looked at me afterward – it's all burned into my memory. But Dad's right. There are bigger things to worry about right now.
"I'm going to go to bed," I say, standing up. "This has been... a lot."
"I love you, Montgomery. And I'm proud of you for caring so much about RJ."
"I love you too, Dad. I'd do this for you, too."
There's a strangle noise coming from his throat. "I know you would, and I love you for it."
As I head upstairs, my mind is racing. Tonight, everything is going to change. Dad's going to call Garrett, and RJ's going to find out that I told someone about the fighting. He's going to realize that I've been watching him, worrying about him, cataloging all the ways he's been struggling.
I get ready for bed mechanically, brushing my teeth and washing my face while my thoughts spiral. What if RJ feels like I invaded his privacy? What if he thinks I don't trust him to handle his own problems? What if he decides that I'm just another person trying to control his life?
But then I remember the look in his eyes tonight at the warehouse, the way his hands shook slightly when he thought I wasn't looking. I remember how thin he's gotten, how the light seems to have gone out of his eyes over the past few months. I remember him saying that fighting is the only way he can think clearly.
That's not the RJ I've known my whole life. That's not the boy who used to build elaborate forts with me in his backyard, who taught me how to skip stones at the lake, who always made sure I got home safely. That's a boy who's drowning, and I'm the only one who's been close enough to see it.
I climb into bed and stare at the ceiling, my lips still tingling from our kiss. It was perfect – sweet and tentative and full of promise. But now I'm terrified that it might have been our last kiss. That tomorrow, when the adults step in and everything changes, RJ is going to look at me differently.
The worst part is that I know I'd do it again. Even knowing that he might hate me for it, even knowing that it might ruin whatever chance we had at being more than friends, I'd still tell Dad about the fighting. Because RJ's safety, his health, his life – that's more important than my feelings for him.
But that doesn't make it hurt any less.
I close my eyes and try to push down the fear that's clawing at my chest. Tomorrow, Dad's going to call Garrett. Tomorrow, RJ's going to find out that I broke his trust. Tomorrow, everything between us might change forever.
God willing, he'll be able to forgive me for what I've done...
Chapter 3
RJ (Age 16)
I've been up all fucking night. My mind won't stop, and it won't rest. Even after fighting last night, which should have worn me out, I wasn't able to go to sleep.
Raking a hand over my face, I blow out a frustrated breath. What do I have to do? When is this going to stop? Glancing over at the clock, it reads 7. I've seen every hour from when I laid down at 10 until now. God, I'm fuckin' tired. Groaning, I roll over, and pull my knees to my chest. Maybe I could text Gum, she might be up.
But when I'm reaching over to grab my phone, there's a knock at the door. What the fuck is someone doing knocking at my door this early in the morning? Something must be wrong.
"Come in."
I expect someone to come rushing in with some sort of devastating news. Instead, my dad walks in quietly, grief and sadness written all over his face.
"What's wrong? Is it Grandma, Grandpa? Did something happen to Montgomery?" I sit up, forgetting to hide my knuckles, throwing the cover off.
