Page 46 of The Arrangement
16
LIAM ROSE
Kissed him.
I kissed him.
I kissed a fucking guy.
Those words kept repeating in my brain. My lips tingled in memory of his touch, and the area around my mouth burned slightly from the brush of his beard. Even my dick was in on the act, perking up as if begging to somehow get in on this sudden action.
I’d leaped off the sofa and was pacing in a tiny area of the living room, trying to get my brain out of the loop it was stuck in. It didn’t help that every time I looked over at Rome, the man was lounging with the biggest fucking smug smile on his lips while not saying a damn word.
“Don’t say it!” I shouted, pointing my finger at him.
“What? I haven’t said anything.”
“Yeah, but you’re going to.”
His smirk returned. “Say what?”
“You know! But I’m not.”
Rome wiggled on the couch as if he were getting comfortable and folded his hands together on his stomach. “Go ahead. Say it. Get the nonsense out of your system.”
It was as if he’d summoned the denial with his teasing, shutting down my wonderful logical brain. “I’m not gay,” I hissed at him before I could stop the words.
His grin didn’t dim one tiny bit. His eye lit up as if he’d expected those words, even as I hated myself for saying them. Those were the words that my mom had beaten into my brain for too many years, along with the same sense of terror.
“True. You could be bisexual. You could be demisexual,” Rome suggested in a pleasant and calm tone, which might have made me hate him a smidge. How could he remain so calm when my world was changing in the blink of an eye?
He lifted a hand and scrubbed it across his chin and lips. “I don’t think I’d believe it if you told me you mistook me for a woman. The beard and flat chest are common with men, though there are some interesting exceptions out there. Plus, since we were kids, I think I’ve told you I’m a dude.”
“Don’t be an asshole. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Rome huffed out a soft laugh and sat up, leaning his forearms on his knees. “No? What did you expect to happen?”
“I don’t know!” I cried. That wasn’t true. I squeezed my eyes shut because I couldn’t look at him. “I thought it would clear up my memory of that day. It was supposed to be okay. Weird. But not a big deal. Afterward, we’d move on and maybe laugh about it years later, because I wouldn’t feel…”
This had been a test, plain and simple. And I’d failed.
Or passed?
Fuck!I didn’t even know anymore.
There was a long pause where the only sound in the room was my heavy breathing and the background music for the game we’d just finished playing. Everything felt so normal, but it couldn’t be. One of the big things I thought Iknewabout myself was wrong. Were there other things that I was wrong about? What was I supposed to do?
“Liam.” Rome’s sharp voice cut through the din in my head and snapped my eyes open to him. He was standing with a scowl on his face. “Stop it. Now.”
“But—”
“Change has always made you panic. Right now, you’re worrying about things you don’t need to worry about.”
“Yes, it will. Everything is going to change!”
“Will this wipe out all your knowledge about dinosaurs?”
“No, but?—”
