Page 56 of The Arrangement
Rome bumped me, drawing my gaze to him. “Do you like it?”
“I love it. This is gorgeous.”
“You’ve seen nothing yet. The whole place is done up. We can even grab the train that runs through the zoo so you can see more of it. Plus—” He paused dramatically, holding up a gloved finger. “—if you’re good, I’ll treat you to a hot cocoa.”
“Oh, really?”
“And if you’re extremely good, I’ll order it spiked with a shot of Irish whiskey.”
“They do that here?”
He nodded. “Special for the holiday season.”
I snagged Rome’s arm and pulled him deeper into the zoo. “Let’s do this. I want pretty lights, cool animals, and holiday snacks. Not necessarily in that order.”
Rome laughed, and I think we both relaxed a little more.
We were wandering around a lake ringed by the small train tracks and filled with dazzling lights and ducks when I continued our original conversation. “I’m doing…okay,” I answered honestly. “I still have a lot of questions, and some of them I don’t want answers to because the answer won’t make me feel better. Things I can’t change about my past. It’s better to focus on the present and future. Part of me is terrified of my mom finding out, and another part desperately wants to shove it in her face. See if I can give her a heart attack.”
Rome snorted. “It’s not too late to send her a Christmas card of us kissing. Oh! Naked kissing!”
“Fuck, that’s tempting. But no. Talking to her about this doesn’t help. I’d rather figure it out on my own.”
“But you’re not on your own. You’ve got me.”
We turned down a path that led to a large building that held the giraffes in colder weather. The herd was so cute as they ambled about, pulling leaves from baskets high in the air.
“I know. I’ve also talked to Emily.”
“Emily?” he repeated, and I tried hard to ignore the note of jealousy that tinged his voice, but it still got my heart racing.
“Dr. Emily Luo, one of my coworkers. She and hergirlfriendhave been very supportive and have answered a lot of my questions.”
“Oh.” Jealousy was gone, but now there was a poutiness to his voice that left me wanting to wrap him in my arms.
I leaned closer and whispered in his ear, “Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone about things when you’ve not been kissing them.”
“Ah. Yeah. Good point.”
We wandered out of the building as it got more crowded with people and continued along the main road that wound past the lake.
“But I’ll admit to you what I didn’t tell her—I briefly considered denial.”
“Liam!”
“I know. I know.” I waved a hand at him, stopping anything else he was going to say. “It felt easier to stick my head in the sand, but not better. I was getting so damn angry thinking about how I could have always been…attracted to men.” That last part, I might have mumbled. “But I didn’t know. I shoved that part of me away and ignored it all. Instead, I could have been living a better, happier life. I feel like…I missed out on so much all this time…”
Rome grabbed my hand and squeezed. “There’s still plenty of time to figure shit out and to live your very best life.”
Just as the warmth of his words was sinking into me, he released my hand, still beaming at me. I got it. Space was a goodthing. Not pressuring me was a good thing. I needed to figure things out.
But then, why was my heart so adamant about snagging his hand and threading our fingers together as we walked through the zoo? The idea of holding a man’s hand in public should have terrified me. Yet, the thought of holding Rome’s hand felt so right.
The zoo provided an excellent distraction from my wandering thoughts. The light displays were amazing, and it was fun seeing the animals at night. Not to mention, we might have eaten and drunk our way around the zoo. The only thing keeping me from gaining ten pounds on this trip was the fact that the Cincinnati Zoo was built on a pretty impressive hill. We ate our way down to the new elephant exhibit and trudged up the winding path, working off all the calories and the tiny bit of alcohol I’d indulged in with my hot cocoa.
By the time we were at the entrance, my legs were tired, my cheeks were red, and my stomach was stuffed.
“You’ll have to return in the spring for their blooms exhibit. This place is half zoo and half botanical garden,” Rome explained.
