Page 102 of Love Beyond the Illusion
She clicks her tongue. “He called me like a week ago—”
“A week ago?” I gasp, still sitting on the floor.
“I don’t remember! Maybe two weeks ago,” she snaps.
I’m speechless. All sorts of emotions flood my mind. “Okay.”
“I have to go, but make sure you get your own payout when he leaves you because don’t you think about coming after mine.”
The tips of my ears get hot, and everything around me becomes blurry. All I see is red. Jack loves me, and I trust our relationship. I’m tired of her ruining everything good in my life. I have to fight back against her voice inside of me. The repeated voice tells me I’m not good enough and that I’m only valued based on what I can give someone. My mother has never wanted the best for me, and she’s never been in my corner. She’s never loved me unconditionally, and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t deserve to live like this.
“Fuck you! Enjoy your sudden windfall and get the hell out of my life,” I shout before hitting the end button to hang up on her. Seething, I throw the phone across the room.
“Whoa. You alright?” Jack asks, walking in the door with bags in his hands.
As soon as I hear his voice, tears spill from my eyes. I quickly turn to face him. “Did you pay off my mother?”
His posture falls, and then he sets his bag on the floor. “I did.”
“Why?” Wrapping my arms around myself, I create some distance between us. I’m so confused.
Jack steps forward, attempting to close the divide, but stops to give me space. “Are you upset with me for doing it?”
“I—I don’t know.” I shake my head, stammering.
Jack’s face is soft but stern. “I didn’t want her to upset you anymore.”
Fuck.
I don’t answer. Jack comes closer, wearily bringing me into his arms, and I let him comfort me.
“I didn’t want her to harass you about money. I told her that if she took what I was offering, she was agreeing to never ask you for a dime again,” he tells me. As Jack speaks, I find myself conflicted. A part of me warms at the gesture, feeling grateful to have someone who might care that deeply for me, but the other side of me is overrun with panic.
Fuck.
Jack runs his hands through my hair. “I told her that if she wanted to be in your life, then it should be to uplift and support, not hurt or bring you down.”
He doesn’t know that I’ve had no contact with Roxy since he made that phone call, and I don’t anticipate hearing from her anytime soon now that she has the thing she loves most in the world—money. “I don’t know what’s more painful, the fact that I feel somewhat relieved or the fact that she took it without a care in the world.”
“I wish I could tell you that you’re wrong, but she was happy with what I was offering.”
Did Jack know he loved me then? Do people who love each other do these things without anything in return? Does he love me for who I truly am? My mouth twitches, trying to hold back the tears that fill my eyes. “Did you know that you loved me when you called her?”
He leans down, brushing my forehead with his soft lips. “I think I have for a while.”
“Goddammit! I want to be mad at you for doing this without telling me, but at the same time, I appreciate it. Does that make me a bad person?”
“Absolutely not.”
I give Jack a weak smile, but I fall into myself with relief behind it. “You can’t always solve things by paying people off!”
“What do you mean?”
“Me, Steve, and Preston.” I hook my fingers between the belt loops of his pants. “Roxy.”
“Point taken. But money means nothing to me. Not when it comes to the people I love. I bought the winery from Steve for my mom and dad. I paid Roxy because I love you and tried to pay you because I was completely infatuated with you.” Jack leans forward, his forehead misted. “More than seven billion souls on earth, and somehow I found you.”
The essence of another human intertwined around me is a thick and grounding experience. To be present in this moment, not wanting time to pass into the next minute, hour, or day, is exhilarating and breathtaking.
