Page 81 of Love Beyond the Illusion
I push a loose strand of wet hair from her sticky cheek. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that must have been like growing up and knowing that.”
“Tell me about it. I was confused for so long why my dad never wanted me and my mom, but then I realized that he’d already had a family. He didn’t need another one.”
“My dad had an affair once when I was nine. I can’t say if that caused the irreversible rift between us, but it was around that time that our relationship started to deteriorate. My mother forgave him, but I don’t think I ever did,” I admit. I do believe that’s where our rift started. Saying that out loud makes it real all over again. She loved my father and eventually forgave him for his actions, but no one ever knew.
“I’m sorry that happened. I’m sure you were extremely protective over her,” she says.
“Yeah, I was, but I think every child is protective over their parents. We’re all born with this innate belief that we should feel accountable for our parents’ actions and well-being. And I believe that outcome has everything to do with how our parents interpret those emotions.”
She glides her fingertips over the slickness of her wet knees. “Some parents love and appreciate their child’s devotion—others, like Roxy, take full advantage of it.”
“I know, but none of that is your fault,” I assure her, staring deep into her beautiful hazel-green eyes.
Later that night, I lie on my side with one arm propping up my head. Piper is on her stomach with both hands tucked under her pillow while her head faces mine. The hammering sound of the sudden downpour of rain drowns out every single thought in my mind but those of Piper. With my free hand, I graze my fingertips along the velvety skin of her back. Every so often, she’ll break out in goosebumps, and I can’t stop the smile that pulls at the corners of my mouth, knowing that my touch elicits that reaction from her.
“I thought about going no contact with Roxy,” she says as if picking up in the middle of our previous conversation.
Wow.How sad that must be for her to contemplate cutting off all communication with her mother.
“You know how society tells us that we must endure the way our parents treat us, simply because they’re ourparents?” she continues, keeping her voice at a level barely above the pelting rain outside our patio doors.
“Yes. It’s a mind fuck, that’s for sure.”
She raises her lashes at me before speaking again, “People say things like,but it’s your mom,oryou only get one mom—never asking what she could have possibly done or how she treated you to push you to the extreme where you have decided that no contact was the best solution.”
I clench my jaw, frustrated that no one was there to protect her all these years. She’s been alone, having to navigate through all this confusion. “Not everyone is exposed to abuse from their parents. And I don’t mean physical abuse like what is mostly associated with that term—I mean emotional and verbal abuse.”
“Exactly. I get hit with a wave of guilt, even thinking that my mother has abused me. She put a roof over my head, she kept me from harm’s way, she fed me, but I know children need more than that,” Piper adds, chewing on the side of her cheek. It looks like she’s fighting back tears. “They need love, compassion, security, an emotional safe space. I was denied those things growing up and into my adulthood.”
I move the hand that was gliding across her back to her face. “The responsibility of the relationship should not be solely placed on the adult child. The way Roxy treated you growing up and the things that were denied to you were not your fault, and once you find that belief within yourself, you’ll be free of the guilt and burden resting on your shoulders.”
“Why is it so hard? I mean, my brain knows that, but my emotions are wired in a completely different way,” she counters.
I roll onto my back and rest my arms beneath my head. “I don’t know why. But I do know that I don’t subscribe to that belief.” Then I turn to meet her eyes. “I’m sure that however you react, it has been much deserved. Because you are kind, beautiful, caring, warm, and compassionate.” Her face flashes me a smile, but the heaviness in her eyes tells a different story. Piper’s conditioning has led her to believe she is responsible for her mother’s well-being. “Let’s not talk about it anymore today, okay?”
“I’d rather not. But I would like to talk about what you’ll feed me for dinner.”
“Why am I not surprised you’re hungry again?” With a wide grin, I link my fingers with hers. “Anything you want.”
My heart is racing as adrenaline pumps through my veins. I might be overstepping, but I can’t deny my overwhelming desire to step in on Piper’s behalf. She is everything, and it’s hard for me to imagine that her mother wouldn’t be able to see that as well. The things that Piper shared with me in bed last night continued to gnaw at my insides even into the early morning hours.
By the time the sun rose this morning, I convinced myself that I needed to take the bold step to reach out to Roxy. Maybe help their relationship in some way or at least understand better so that I can be the support that Piper needs.
With Piper still asleep in the bedroom, I slip out the backdoor onto the patio. Then, when I’m confident that the door is securely latched behind me, I take out my phone and type in Roxy’s number, which I found in Piper’s phone last night.
To my surprise, Roxy answers after the first ring. And before I could finish my introduction, she cuts me off.
“Oh, so you’re Jack. How does it feel keeping my daughter away from me?” she snaps.
Okay, damn. This is how we’re going to start—right out of the gate, and she’s already at a ten. No shame, no pleasantries.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” I keep my voice level. “I wanted to give you a call to get to know you. And to tell you what an incredible person your daughter is. She’s been—”
Roxy cuts me off once again. “I couldn’t care less about all the wonderful things you want to say about Piper. None of it matters to me. Now, what can I do for you?”
What type of person speaks that way about their child? Her energy and her approach have me completely taken aback. Not only to me but regarding her daughter too. For all she knows, Piper and I could be dating for real.
My eyebrows snap together, and suddenly, I feel protective over her. “To be honest, I’ve overheard some of the conversations you’ve had with Piper over the last few weeks, and they have upset her, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to introduce myself to you for you to get to know me.” I clear my throat. “Thought that might alleviate some of your concerns about Piper not calling or being around as much.”
