Page 91 of Love Beyond the Illusion
A breath forces itself from my lungs just as my eyes leak. “Yes.”
He takes a single step toward me, eyebrows furrowed, and his expression has fallen. With my arms hanging at my sides, I give myself to him one last time.
Jack’s warm palm glides against my cheek. I lean into it, the heavenly sensation of his thumb caressing my skin. He takes another step closer, bringing his body flush with mine. His other hand threads through my hair and hooks the back of my head.
I bring my mouth toward his. He dips down, feathering my lip with his breath. “I’m going to miss you,” he whispers before we connect. His kiss is tender and soft. I press my lips into him to deepen our kiss, but Jack pulls back. With my eyes closed, I remain still, wishing it would last longer. Then, I feel him pepper my bottom and the top lip with delicate kisses, and all I can do is stand here and receive it.
My heart is breaking, my insides tremble, but I can’t find the words to tell him how I truly feel.
Jack steps away and lets his hands fall to his sides, leaving me empty and cold. “Thank you.”
Unable to form words, I give him a weak smile, letting him know I’ll be okay. Then, he quickly gives me his back and begins walking in the opposite direction—as do I.
The reality I’ve come to know is being ripped from me, along with the Jack who has become intricately woven into the fibers of my existence. I immediately turn on my heels. “Jack!”
He looks back.
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
I hurry toward him with my heart pounding, unsure what to say. “Wait.”
We both eat the distance between each other and soon, we’re back at arm’s length once again. He stares at me with red, swollen eyes.I don’t want to leave him yet.“I have a few more days left before I report back to work,” I blurt out, assuming he would pick up on what I’m implying.
“Are you saying you want to stay with me longer?”
“Maybe, yeah,” I admit, slight uncertainty in my voice.
His expression drops. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. The more time we spend together, the harder it will be.”
The muscles in my throat constrict, cutting off my air supply. I hang my head, focusing on the specks of white and silver in the dark tile of the airport floor. “It’s already hard.”
“I know.” He pains, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in. I bury my nose in his clothes. I take a deep inhale one more time before I no longer can. “What have we done …” he trails off, resting his chin on my head.
The tightening in my stomach caused my words to pinch. “I don’t know.”
“This was all for show, wasn’t it?”
Jack’s question vibrates through my bones, making me doubt everything. It started that way, but is it still for show? Was it fake when he comforted me? When we laughed together when we made love? “I don’t know.”
“What does that mean youdon’t know?” he asks with an infliction in his tone.
My arms are tightly around his torso. “It means exactly what it’s supposed to mean, that I don’t know!” I squeeze harder, nuzzling myself into the fabric of his hoodie, desperately shielding myself from the world.
“We both knew this was coming,” he reassures me, but it doesn’t help because it feels impossible to be away from him right now.
“It doesn’t make it any easier.”
Jack’s shoulders straighten, and he lifts his chin from the top of my head. “We’ve spent a lot of time together, and naturally, it will feel lonely for a while. But you’ll go back to your regular life, and everything will return to normal.”
I nod, agreeing on the outside but shouting with disagreement on the inside.
“You’re going to miss your flight.” He gently releases me. His arms fall to his sides before he quickly shoves them into the front pocket of his sweatshirt.
As panic pricks at my skin, the hair on the back of my neck stands straight up. I don’t want to say goodbye. The mere action of separating myself from him feels unimaginable. The independent life I once coveted is shattered because nothing is as important as being with him.
I scour the airport in a panic, hunting for the strength to admit what I’m feeling, to acknowledge it, and give it the breath of life.
