Page 92 of Love Beyond the Illusion
“You’re right.” I take a few steps back despite the energy tethering me to him and despite my heart screaming for something else. If he wanted more, wouldn’t he admit it? Wouldn’t he want to spend a few more days with me?
Jack rubs his lips together and begins building an entire universe between us. “Goodbye. I’m sure we’ll be in touch.”
My leg bounces in place a few times before I reluctantly turn away and head toward the elevator. I fight the temptation to turn around again, refusing to inflict more pain on myself.
As I enter the small, suffocating space, my heart is in my throat, and my stomach twists in knots.
Awkwardly facing the wall, I wait until I hear the clang of the automatic doors close before I let all the air leave my lungs. Uncontrollably, my body lunges forward, and I fall to my knees. As soon as I meet the hard, unforgiving floor, a desperate wail forces itself from the back of my throat. Crying harder than I have in longer than I can remember, I let the tears plummet downward while my brain scrambles to put together the puzzle of emotions.How do I move on?
The bell dings, indicating that I’ve arrived on the correct floor. I quickly lift off the ground, wipe the tears from my eyes, and inhale deeply. Clutching the handle of my suitcase, a hard lump forms in my throat, and I force myself to begin the long walk to my terminal.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jack
Ipunchthegas,racing to get onto the freeway and as far away from the airport as I can. It was fucking impossible to let Piper go.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew we’d either have to acknowledge or avoid what was happening between us, and we chose to do the latter. Despite the palpable sadness and hopelessness, Piper and I said goodbye to each other.
How can I have a future with a woman who lives in another state? Her career and life are in Arizona—where mine used to be.Fuck!Without realizing it, we were both working toward creating a permanent space between us. I’m bound to Dupara County, and I can do nothing about it. Even if we were to approach the idea of long distance, when would it end? What would we be working toward?
I could never ask her to give up her career to move to Dupara with me. The thought of that is terrifying. What if she hates it? Or if she wants to move back but has already given up her career? These questions kept me up the entire night.
When I joined Piper in the shower this morning, fully aware that this would be our last together, it was painful and heartbreaking. I shut down and reverted to myself and created a painful distance. I got into my head, trying to sort through my emotions while not wanting to face hers. I know it hurt her, and it hurt me even more knowing I was doing it. There was a part of me that hoped if I acted withdrawn, it might also help her with our goodbye.
I white knuckle the steering wheel, frustrated with this entire situation.
Piper thinks I was at my laptop working while she packed, but I was emailing Tom to let him know to move forward with the divorce papers. If I didn’t do it then, I may never have. And the check I had with me since I came home after Vegas. I wanted to ensure I had it ready in case things became too much for her or if she changed her mind about the whole thing. I had every intention of still paying her no matter how long she stayed.
I wish I had the chance to tell Piper about my conversation with Roxy and how I agreed to give her mother a large amount of money so she wouldn’t have to ask Piper anymore. I also made sure Roxy knew that if she needed anything else financially in the future, she would come to me before asking her daughter whether we were together or not. I still feel uneasy about my choice to do this without Piper’s knowledge. Still, I would do anything for her. If this can alleviate the emotional stress that Roxy causes, possibly improving the relationship with her mother, then I’d do it again in a fucking heartbeat.
While driving back to Wine Country at full speed, my stomach twists as a memory bombards me.
I’m leaning against the counter with my credit card in hand. “Piper?” I repeat her name to grab her attention.
She flips her hair around to face me. “Hmm?”
Even under my semi-blurry gaze, she’s absolutely stunning. “Would we like to write our own vows or use theirs?”
“Write our own!” she excitedly replies. We’ve only just met and barely know each other—so this seems like an obvious choice.
“You got it,” I say, smiling at her from across the outdated lobby of the Tiny White Wedding House.
I should be second-guessing this decision or even getting hit with an immediate sense of fear about marrying a woman who I’ve only spent less than twenty-four hours with, but I don’t. Strangely, there are no signs of doubt, only assurance.
While waiting, I see a couple emerge from behind a set of double doors. The man, dressed in a cowboy hat and boots, could barely keep his hands off the tall brunette in a sequined black dress and clear high heels. They laugh together as they hurry right for the chapel, slamming the doors behind them.
A laugh bubbles in my throat as I take the spot next to Piper on the velvet couch. “This small piece of paper is all we get to declare our love and undying devotion to each other,” I say, handing her a clipboard with a lined paper on it that looks no bigger than an index card. “So, try to keep it short.”
She gives a smooth and adorable giggle as she reaches her arm out to grab one of the blue pens from the diamond-covered holder in front of us. “I’ll try.”
Piper and I lay back on either side of the couch. We periodically smirked at each other from over the top of our clipboards.
I blink away a small tear as it drops from my eye. I look down to see the wet droplet, which has made a wet circle on the denim of my pants.
Fuck, this hurts.
I take my finger and aggressively tap the touch screen to the right of the steering wheel. As music seeps through the speakers, I flick the volume up. Blasting“Days Go By”byDirty Vegas, I drown out the memories of our wedding night. A night that changed my entire life. A night that made me rethink so many things that I believed up until then.
