Page 118 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
Chapter Thirty-Five
Carter
I’ve been on the go for as long as I can remember. With my grandmother’s passing, I have no reason to stay in Phoenix. But why do I feel unsettled about accepting this position that requires me to relocate? A complete contradiction to everything I’ve come to count on my entire life. The thought of not seeing Lina every day cuts me deeply, but where do we go from here?
Most partners who paired up for the Children’s Hospital Charity Run only worked out together maybe once or twice before the event and just clocked bullshit hours into the app. Lina and I saw each other multiple times a week. I made excuses to see her every opportunity I could get. I’m not misreading her signals and confident she was doing the same. There is no doubt in my mind that she feels the same way as I do—the question is, what are both of us going to do about it? And will she admit to it?
I stand in front of the double blue doors to her townhouse with a heavy weight pressing down on my shoulders. I can fucking do this. I’m a man who is madly in love with a beautiful woman. A woman I’d burn down the entire world to have. Not only do I want her body, but I also want her heart. I want herpresent, and Ineedher goddamn future.
What are we doing together?There is no more time to wait. I’m done. I’m thirty-nine years old and ready to devote my life to Lina. We need to talk about how we’re going to move forward.
“Hi, Carter.” Her face lights up. I love seeing what I do to her. I bet her panties are fucking soaked too.
“Hi,” I say. My eyes water at the sight of her as she moves to the side, gesturing for me to come in. She’s wearing tight-fitting white workout pants and an oversized cut-off sweater that falls below one shoulder. It would come off easily.
The door is barely shut behind me before Lina swings both arms around my neck, capturing my mouth in hers. Her lips are sweet. They taste like home. I comb my fingers through her long, dirty blonde hair, then clasp them around the back of her neck.
“I’m happy to see you,” she whispers into my lips.
I slowly pull away, tilting her head to maintain eye contact. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Her eyebrows pull to the right as her expression changes. “Is everything okay?”
“Let’s sit down,” I say, lightly kissing her forehead. I try to mask the worry spread across my face. It’s difficult not to know how she’ll take the news.
I’m internally conflicted about whether I want her to take it well because that would mean we could simply say goodbye. A clean break. Chalking up the last couple of months to being only about having fun.
That’s a lie. It would devastate me.
Lina slowly lowers onto the couch. I take the space beside her but maintain some distance between us.
“What’s going on?” she asks, her hands balled in her lap.
Sucking in a heavy breath, I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “I’ve been offered a flight instructor position at a Florida naval academy.” I pause after my words, holding her eyes with mine.
Lina visibly swallows hard and rubs her lips together. “Okay. What does that mean?”
She’s going to make me say it. “If I take this position, I will be moving to Florida at the end of the month.”
Her eyes, still locked on mine, fill with moisture. “Are you going to take it?”
I knew she was going to make me answer this question too. I’ve thought about it nonstop since I got the call two days ago. Sadly, I don’t have the answer to give her. But I should take the position. It’s what I’ve wanted. The plan was never to stay in Phoenix permanently.
I shake my head, staring at the tiny fibers on the carpet at my feet. “I don’t know.”
Lina quickly rises and starts pacing. “You should take it.”
Even though I prepared myself for this response, it didn’t stop the feeling of being punched in the gut. She’s protecting herself like she always does.
I’m breathless. “Is that what you want?”
“WhatIwant? This is your career. Your life,” she corrects me, a little out of breath.
I clasp my hands under my chin in a praying position. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”
“It seems like you already have.” Her bottom lip quivers.
Have I made my decision? Would I stay if she was in lovewith me? I would, without a doubt. But it has to be her decision. I’ve expressed my feelings for her many times over the course of ourfriendship,only falling short of saying those three life-changing words.
