Page 119 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
I lift and walk toward her, but she steps back. “Lina, I’m here because you’ve become an important part of my life.”
“We’re not going to be together.” She blinks a few times and quickly wipes a single tear that’s fallen from under her eyelids. “I’m more realistic than that. It’s not like we’re going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.”
“Obviously, we wouldn’t be riding—we’d beflying,” I say, attempting to show her that I’m in this with her.
“You know what I mean. You need to live your life however you want to.” She sniffles, quickly swiping a tear from her cheek. “I’m familiar with that life—with guys like you. My dad said goodbye to my mom and me for it.”
That’s the first time I’ve heard her acknowledge that she actually wants to be with me, even if it wasn’t a full confession. My heart is in a death grip.
I shake my head. “No, baby, I’m not leaving you. But I’m not going to stay here unless it’s to be with you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
I draw in a deep breath and blow it out.
“I can’t ask you to give up on something for me.”
My jaw clenches.
She continues, “And my dad, I think he’ll get over it eventually, but you guys go back twenty years.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I’m frustrated with everything she’s saying, even though she’s right. Brian will get over it if heknows there are no feelings involved. If there’s no way for either of us to hurt the other, and if he’s guaranteed not to have to choose sides, then maybe.
At that point, I know for certain I’d lose my longest friend.
Lina starts pacing again. “And my mom is marrying a man twice her age. My dad is dating a woman younger than me. I can’t be like them.”
No fucking way.
My eyebrows snap together. “Is this about age too?”
“Not the whole thing, but it does make it more complicated. I’ve never wanted to be like my parents with anything.” She blows out a puff of air and angles her head upward, capturing my eyes with her puffy ones. “The emotions I feel when we’re together scare the shit out of me, and my first instinct is to always harden—protect myself.” She runs a shaky hand through her hair. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you, but I also know these things don’t happen to women like me, Carter.”
I clamp my eyelids shut, forming my thoughts. “What do you mean,women like you?”
“I’m not the wife kind. I’m the one men have affairs with, the one that’s just a one-night stand or hookup. I’ve come to accept it, and I can’t let my mind fantasize about things that won’t happen.”
“This is ridiculous, you know that?”
“I’m fucking terrified!” she yells. “This is what self-preservation looks like.”
“You can’t help who you fall in love with,” I slip out, not thinking about my words before letting them hit the air.
But she fails to catch the entirety of what I’ve said. “My momdoesn’t love Elijah, and my dad definitely doesn’t love Bristol—” She stills, her eyes darting up to mine.
I smile, sensing her catching up with what I’ve alluded to. “Do you want to know if I love you?”
Silence.
I quickly step into her. “Fuck, Lina. I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person.” She doesn’t move away this time. Sliding my arms around her waist, I dip my head into the crook of her neck and breathe in her familiar euphoric scent. “Yes, I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
Her delicate arms wrap around my back. She nuzzles her face into my shoulder. “I love you too,” she says.
When those three words land on my ears, my posture falls in relief. This is it. She’s going to give herself to me. Images of our future together flash through my mind. Us flying around the world together. Waking up to her wrapped around my torso every morning for the rest of my fucking life. I don’t even care if we ever get married, and I’d love kids, but if she didn’t, I’d be completely content with spending my entire life with her by my side. My thoughts trail on.
“It feels so good hearing you say that.” I kiss the side of her head, burying my nose in her hair.
She’s a little stiff.Something is not right.
