Page 120 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
Lina’s hands fly up to her face. “And that is what is going to make this fucking gut-wrenching.”
My eyes sting as tears start to form.What the fuck?I drop my arms. “What?”
Her eyes are swollen, and mascara is smudged across her cheek. “We can’t be together.”
My jaw twitches. It takes me a second to process. “I can’t believe you’re saying this.”
“I’m not going to be the reason you give up on what you want to do. I can’t be the reason you lose your best friend, and I can’t give up on my career either,” she says, her throat bobs with a hard swallow.
“I would be making that choice. And how would you be giving up on yours?” My fingertips circle my temples.
“I can’t go to Florida with you.”
“I’d never ask you to do that. I’d stay here.”
“I can’t ask you to do that either.” Tears stream down her face.
“Are you saying all of this because it’s what you want, or are you still trying to protect yourself from getting hurt?” I challenge in a clipped tone. I’m losing my patience. This is so fucked. I can hardly form a complete thought.
“I don’t know.” Pain fills her voice. “Both.”
“That’s bullshit, Lina, and you know it.” I shake my head, rolling up my sleeves. “Did all this mean nothing to you?”
“It did! I told you I love you, Carter!” Her voice cracks. “What more do you want?”
My mouth tightens, and my eyes blaze with anger. “You! I want you!”
“What if I can’t give that to you? What if it’s not that simple?”
Lina is my future. I don’t have one without her, but I can’t force her to choose me. She carries past trauma that I can’t fix. The only thing I can do is wait for her. Wait for her to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t her parents, and I’m not going to ever hurt or leave her. She’s in love with a man significantly older than she is, and I can’t force her to accept that either.
“I’m not going to convince you to be with me. You know where I stand, and you know where to find me.” I keep my voice low and emotionless before I turn to leave, slamming the door behind me.
Brian is like a brother to me, but this woman is my future.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lina
Ihear a soft knock on the door to my bedroom. Rolling over underneath my heavy down comforter, I peel my sticky skin from the silk bed sheets.
“Go away,” I call out, my voice raspy.
“It’s been almost two days. If you don’t voluntarily let me in.” Zoe pauses. “I’m going to do the unthinkable.”
She wouldn’t, would she?
“I’m going to call our mother, Lina Delany Eastbrook,” she threatens. “And I know that’s the last thing you want, but I’m not above calling in reinforcements.”
“Fuck you.”
A harder, longer knock. “I’m barging in in five … four … three …”
My sister’s impatience with me over the last few days has done nothing but make me realize how embarrassing this situation is. I don’t act like this over a man. I never have. But then, why does my heart hurt so bad? Why does it feel like I can no longer breathe properly? The world has suddenly become dull and lifeless. I can’t even stand hearing my own thoughts.Fuck my life.
“Two … one.” She practically falls through the door. “Okay.This is ridiculous.”
“How dare you threaten to call her.” I bury my face under a pillow.
