Page 57 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
My head slowly turns to the side, falling into his line of sight. Our eyes meet, his nose barely touching mine. “What did you say?” The smooth sounds of a saxophone and an upright bass send vibrations along my bones as my brain catches up to what Carter said.
“You heard me.” His voice is thick with confidence.
Now it’s real.
Panic grows as he gives life to our little secret. Something we both knew but hadn't verbalized it. Not to one another, at least. I don’t know what to feel. Maybe I thought a part of me wasn’t sure and hoped it was him, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Both of us keeping it quiet was one thing, almost like I didn’t let him know that I knew it was him—which made it nearly unreal. It’s a little fantasy I could live with. Countlessemotions bowl me over.
“I did hear you.” I evaluate my voice, but it barely comes out higher than a whisper above the live jazz band. “I knew it was you. How could you do that to me?”
“You liked it.”
Oh god.It’s real. We did that. I can’t let him know I fucking loved it. Or that I crave to have his mouth back on me every minute of every day since that night. That would be admitting to what we did more than just a lapse of judgment or alcohol induced—which would be easier to excuse, I guess?
My palms sweat as I turn away from him and to Avery. “I’m going to walk back to the hotel. I’m still under the weather.”
She frowns. “Bummer, okay.” She frowns again and starts to slide off the couch. “I’ll head back with you.”
I’m frustrated, but it doesn’t mean Avery has to leave too. Our hotel is only a block away, so I can go by myself. I duck my head under Carter’s extended arm, then scoot my body over. “No, babe, stay. I’ll be fine.”
Carter watches me lift off the couch in silence.
“You’re not walking back to the hotel by yourself at night.” Avery arches an eyebrow. “Even if it’s only a block down.”
Carter presses a gentle but firm hand on my lower back. “I’ll walk you. I’m ready to go anyway.”Of course, he will.
My mind is swirling, and all I want to do is put some space between us so I can have a moment to think. “Fine. Let’s go.”
As soon as we’re thrust out of the dark lounge and into the damp, cool air, I spin on my heels. “Now that this is out in the open, why the hell did you do that? What if I really didn’t know it was you?”
I don’t know how to feel or act right now, and knowing it was Carter down there made it a thousand times better. But I can’t have these feelings about him.
“I asked you to tell me to stop.” He brings his index finger and thumb to my chin, tilting my head up. I stare up at him, towering over me.
“I thought you were Max.” Desperation fills my voice.
He slowly shakes his head, keeping me firmly in his grasp. “No. You didn’t.”
“Yes. I did.” My words are weak. A fat raindrop falls directly into my open eye, causing me to blink a few times.
The corner of his mouth slightly lifts. “You knew it was me the second I entered that library.”
I hate that he’s fucking right. And I hate that he finds it so fucking funny. If I knew for sure that it was Max, I wouldn’t have let him touch me like that. I let it happen because I knew it was Carter. The raindrops become heavier and more frequent.
“Fine! I knew it was you,” I admit, my face is now wet. Water rolls down my face and Carter’s. “Why did you do it?”
“I was going to play around—but then I felt you, tasted you, and nothing was going to stop me from finishing, especially when you let me.” The firmness of his face is breathtaking. “That was my one chance to be with you without acknowledging it.”
His words feel like hot lava as they travel through my ears. We’ve been trying to suppress the undeniable attraction for so long. “It was wrong, Carter.”
“You didn’t stop me.” Puffs of air escape his mouth as his breathing picks up. “And I loved every goddamn minute of it.”
My heart falls from my chest. Now, the rain isn’t theonly thing making my body wet. My panties are soaked with desire—need. Panting and drenched from the rain, I bring my hand to Carter’s cheek.
Without a word, he slowly dips his head down, stopping before reaching my lips. I can barely see him in this downpour. I raise my tiptoes, connecting my mouth with his. A light shock hits my bottom lip, and I lean in for more. He’s hesitant at first, but then his palms reach up to cup both sides of my face.
I no longer hear the tapping from the rain or the street cars driving past us.
Everything goes silent.
