Page 74 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
His chest bounces on top of mine as he laughs. “I fly now.”
I laugh. “Well, yeah, but I mean in the same way you used to.”
His body on me is absolute—a weighted blanket calming my nervous system and grounding me. I could lay here with him forever.
“Yes—and no.”
“What do you mean?”
He lifts his head, his chin resting on my sternum. “I never knew where I was going or what I’d be flying into.” His eyes drift away as if in the middle of a memory. “Sometimes we’d get word, other times we didn’t, which caused us to live in those moments with trepidation.”
“That definitely takes a specific personality, doesn’t it?”
He nods. “Absolutely. Most of us were in it for different reasons, but we all shared a profound desire to travel the world.” He tucks his hands between the backs of my legs and the cushions on the couch.
“I bet you had women in every country, didn’t you?” I say, with a mix of playfulness and insecurity.
“I wasn’t tied down, if that’s what you’re implying.” He presses a kiss on the top of my chest. “But I loved the excitement of it all. Being on the go, never knowing where I’d be going or where I’d end up.” He glances up, but I keep my eyes trained away. How did I ask him that? It’s not my place and none of my business. I have no right to be jealous—I have no claim to him.
“You okay?” he asks, concerned.
My initial jealousy, stemming from the thought of Carter with multiple women, calmed a bit, but it slowly morphed into thoughts of my dad and what type of life he had experienced. I don’t even know my own father. This part of his life is a mystery to me. Maybe I’ve acted a little selfish since he came back into my life.
“Yeah, fine,” I dismiss.
His eyebrows pinch together in uncertainty with my answer, but he lets it go.
The focus has been on me and my life—how my dad fits intomy world as an adult woman. But how can I fit myself into his? I would love to know more about him and his extraordinary life before returning to mine.
Now I’m sleeping with his best friend.
I rub my eyes, feeling tired. “Do you miss it?”
“That’s not a simple answer. I love the excitement of traveling. Sleeping in one city one night and another the next. I live for it.”
I smile to myself, feeling that passion for him.
“It’s like no other. Not many people have the desire for that sort of life,” he adds softly.
My eyes memorize the landscape of his arms and back and the intricate details of his muscles, and how his skin expands with each breath. “What made you decide to leave that life behind and move into a different role?”
“I think it was around the fifteen-year mark that I realized there had to be more to life than the climb, cruise, descent, landing.”
I giggle. “You do the same thing now as a commercial pilot, don’t you?”
He laughs, cupping both of my ass cheeks and squeezing. “In some ways.”
“All jokes aside, I feel it, though, because the sky speaks to me the same way,” I admit.
He flashes me a side smile, partly showing his straight white teeth. “And yes, you’re right, I do something similar, yeah, but it’s a different type of—”
“Rush?”I complete his thought.
“Yes.”
Still worried about the amount of intimate time we’re spending together, my skin feels anxious to leave. It’s the only way to keep this casual and protect my feelings.
“I should go,” I say, contradicting what my heart wants. Thank god my brain and past experiences are there to remind me that I won’t get happiness. I’m the girl to be played with.
