Page 124 of Beauty Beneath the Sorrow
I avoided my friends as long as I could before we’d all be stuck in close quarters for the next two hours as we travel to Cancun. I knew I would only be able to fend them off for a short time before they cornered me. And that’s exactly what happened. I thought I’d be a lot stronger, but as soon as I saw the somber look on Bailey’s face, I lost it.
She slides a comforting arm around me. “I’m sorry, babe.”
Staring down at my hands, I pick at my newly manicured nails. Self-care did not make me feel as good as it usually does. “It’s my fault.”
“No.” She pauses, shaking her head slowly. “It’s not.”
“I came on to him that night in Seattle.” Tears began to pool under my eyelids. “I knew we’d never be together, and I did itanyway.”
Bailey slides the cardboard sleeve up and down on her coffee. “Something in your gut was telling you to go to him. Don’t discount that.”
I wipe my nose with a tissue. “A masochist. That’s what I am.”
“That is completely insane. You’re only human, Lina.”
“How else can you explain it?”
She scratches her nose, pondering for a moment. “I can’t, but love isn’t something we can explain. It’s a feeling.”
I roll my eyes.
“You don’t believe in love. I get it.” Bailey cocks her head to the side. “Maybe you should start?”
I scan the room, my panic growing.
“Piper thought that about her and Jack,” she points out. “And look at them now.”
Angrily, I step away, holding her eye contact. “Piper and I are different. People don’t fall in love and live happily ever after like you think they do.” I yank my bag and wheel it away, leaving Bailey standing in the crew lounge alone. Not everyone had their first experience with love and sex, being sexually assaulted. I was used. And guys continued to treat me like that as I grew up. How would I know or expect anything different?
Powerwalking through the terminal, I head right for the plane. I’m sure she’ll be upset about how I snapped at her. She knows I love her and that I’ll apologize eventually.
“Hi, babe. How are you feeling?” Avery greets me as soon as I enter the cabin.
“Fine.” My voice trembles.
“Where’s Bailey?”
“She’s probably right behind me.” I sigh, throwing my head into my hands. “I snapped at her.”
Avery finishes restocking the pretzel bags and then walks over to me. “I know this is hard for you. And I am so sorry. I wish you’d let us help.”
“It’s just who I am.” I step onto one of the aisle seats, swing my leg up, and into the empty overhead compartments. Flipping my body, I lay on my back with one leg dangling off the side.
Avery brings a gentle hand to my forehead to push the loose hairs away from my face. “We always help each other. That’s what we do. We’re sisters, Lina.”
I see Bailey walk up behind Avery. “I’m so sorry, B.”
“Don’t be.” She frowns, tears pooling in her eyes. “I know this is difficult for you. You’re always so confident and in control. It probably feels a bit scary.”
Avery slips her hand into mine. “It’s okay to let your feelings out, and it’s okay to let yourself be vulnerable.”
Tipping my head up, I stare at the dull white top on the inside of the luggage space. A tear falls from the corner of my eye, landing on the top of Avery’s black, shiny high heel. “I’m so fucking in love with that man.”
“Hey, ladies. I hate to break up this sweet yet sickening moment, but we’re starting to board,” another attendant on our flight crew reminds us.
“When we get to Cancun tonight, let’s grab some margaritas, Facetime with Piper, and have a good cry session, okay?” Avery suggests with a slightly optimistic expression.
I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in a tight breath from my constricted lungs. They’re trying tohelp, and damn, I appreciate it.
