Page 47 of The Beachgoers
“I can’tbelieveyou still want to marry me.” Again, she dabs her eyes. “You shouldhateme.”
“I could never hate you.” Kyle drops his head for a few quiet seconds then. Passing traffic sounds come in through the open window. Lights come on in surrounding buildings as the sun sets. “Anyway, that’s all done, Ell, everything you just said.” He looks at her in the shabby kitchen. “And I don’t want you to be alone with all that.”
Lauren scrapes her chair back, gets up and crosses the room. She stands beside that open window looking out onto the parking lot. The night’s warm and humid. Strands of hair hang from her messy bun and stick to clammy skin on her neck. A spaghetti strap of her camisole slips down her shoulder. “I should go,” she whispers, tugging up that fallen strap. “I’ll call my father to come back.”
Kyle stands and goes to her. He turns her to him, takes her arm and pulls her close. If they were any closer, they’d be touching. He bends low, trying to meet her eye.
But it doesn’t work. Lauren closes her eyes and turns her head to the side.
Until Kyle’s finger hooks beneath her chin and turns it back. Even though her eyes are still closed, he talks. “Please,” he whispers. “Please don’t leave.”
“Kyle,” she says. “We can’t do this… this—” She turns, suddenly, and walks to the other side of the window. Standing there, she crosses her arms and looks at him from that distance. Outside the window between them, streetlamps are coming on in the parking lot. Two teenage boys pedal past on bicycles.
“It’s all done, Ell. Everything that happened—breaking up, Neil. It’s just… done.” He steps to her, takes her hand and strokes the back of it. “Butwedon’t have to be. We can try again. I’m begging you, Lauren. Justtry.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, Kyle.” Now she glances at his hand stroking hers. “Did you forget that night already? The night in your truck when I left my ring there? Did you forget how much that hurt?”
“But things changed. Things we never saw coming.” He takes a breath, bends and leaves the slightest kiss on top of her head. “We can pick up where we left off. No one would even know we’d split up,” he says, his mouth brushing against her hair.
Lauren’s eyes drop closed with his touch. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“It’s wrong. We can’t erase everything like that.”
Kyle quickly shakes his head. “Did you cancel all the wedding stuff yet?” he asks. “The church? The caterer? Flowers?”
Lauren only blinks back more tears, then pulls her hand from his and presses it beneath her eyes.
“Did you?” Kyle asks again.
“No,” she barely answers around some apparent lump in her throat. “Well. Some things. My fitting. The cake.”
Kyle drops his head back with that one. Drops his head and closes his eyes. “Can we just try again, then?” he finally pleads, bending to look her in the eye.
“Kyle—”
“Please. Please don’t do this, Lauren. Don’t walk out.” Standing at the window, he watches only her. “Lord knows, we have nothing to lose.”
“Oh, Kyle. You don’t get it. What I’ve been through.”
“So what? I don’t have to get it.”
“No, you do. I wrecked yourlife, for God’s sake. And Neil’s gone, too. So youhaveto know.”
“Know what?”
“That there’s nothing left inside me.” Lauren looks at him standing there. Her eyes lock onto his. “I’m all out of love, Kyle.”
“But I’m notaskingyou to love me right now, Ell.” He reaches into his cargo shorts pocket and pulls out that diamond ring. And breathes a puff of air on it. And polishes it with the fabric of his black T-shirt. And reaches for her left hand. “I’m just asking that you’ll still marry me.”
Something happens, then.
It happens in the quiet pause after Kyle’s words. Lauren’s posture relaxes. Her shoulders droop. She tips her head to the side and blows out a soft breath. She does not whip her hand out of his. Doesn’t even try. She only watches his fingers holding that freshly shined ring. Watches as Kyle’s big hand maneuvers the diamond-topped gold band onto her finger. As he does, she steps close to him.
“How can you want me?” Her voice is a desperate whisper. “I’m telling you, I can’t love anybody. I just…can’t.”
Kyle presses the ring in place and strokes her hand. “Shh, don’t talk.” He bends and leaves a soft kiss on her lips—a kiss she doesn’t return. “You loved me once,” he says, tugging her across the kitchen now. At the little Formica-topped table, he pulls her chair out and helps her sit. When she does, he takes her plate and puts it in the microwave. As it reheats her chicken and potatoes and beans, he stands there at the counter and watches only the microwave carousel slowly spin. He doesn’t see Lauren touch that diamond. Doesn’t see her look from the window, back to the ring.
“You loved me once,” Kyle says again, as though trying to remind both of them. But his back is still to her. He doesn’t turn to see if she waves him off, or gets up to leave. Instead, when the microwave timer beeps, he simply takes out her plate and sets it on the table in front of her. “Maybe someday, you will again.”
