Page 64 of The Beachgoers
Jason looks away, then back at Lauren. “This night’s not about me, Lauren.”
“You’re wrong, Jason. It’s aboutallof us. You, too. It’s about all of us and the road we’ve all travelled together.”
“And what a road it’s been. But thanks to you and Kyle, it’s nice to finallycelebratethat road tonight.”
“Itis. And so I just wanted to say that I hope you’re okay and—no matter what happened with you and Maris these past few weeks…” She stops then, just stops.
“Hey, Lauren. Don’t worry about it.”
“That’s the thing, Jason. Idoworry. We all do—that’s just how we are with each other. Like it or not. And you belong here. Not at Sea Spray Beach.Thisis your place. Stony Point.”
“And I’mtryingto get back. Back here,andwith Maris.” Jason drags a hand along his scarred jaw. “But it’s tough. There’s some distance I can’t seem to bridge.”
Lauren lowers her voice. “Maybe it’s tough because she’s hurting.”
“Maris is?”
“Yes. Look. Kyle’s told me some things—here and there. Things about Shane, and old engagements. Milestones and markers. Doesn’t really matter, though, because you know how much Maris loves you.”
“I do.”
“But come on, youlefther, Jason.”
He blows out a breath. “I did.” He sits back, quiet. There’s only the slight sway of the porch swing beneath them, and a ceiling fan above slowly paddles the damp, salty air. “You know, years ago… when I first lived home after the accident,” Jason finally lets on, “once I was mobile and my parents left for Florida, I didn’t last long in that house. It was depressing as hell seeing memories in every corner of every room. I couldn’t handle it alone back then, so I moved out. Booked right out of there and bought the condo a few towns over. Just to escape things.”
“Okay, I could understand that,” Lauren softly says.
“Well, see if you understand this. When I thought I might be losing Maris this summer—”
“Wait,” Lauren interrupts, turning on the swing to face him. “Losingher?”
“Yeah. Long story, but shit happened. And when I thought I might lose my wife, it felt like I’d be alone in that big old house again.” Jason stands and walks to the railing, leaning on it and looking out on the night before turning to Lauren. “And honestly? It seemed a lot easier to leave than face that emptiness again.”
“Oh, Jason.” She looks up at him in the shadows. “So you were afraid.”
“Damn straight. I know what life is like without Maris. Wasn’t that long ago, and I sure as hell don’t want to go back there.”
“Have you told her this?” In the low light, Lauren can’t tell. Does Jason nod? Shrug? Do nothing?
“Not exactly.” Jason sits beside her again, leans forward and turns up his hands.
“Well, she needs to know. And maybe it’ll help foryouto know something, too—just between you and me.” In the shadows, Lauren drops her voice. “I don’t know if you’ve ever realized something.”
“What’s that?”
“How much your being at my wedding ten years ago helped me, back then.”
Jason sits back on the swing. “Lauren—”
“No. Listen. I almost didn’t make it down the aisle that day. Seriously. I was so conflicted. But when I saw thatyougot yourself there, at your worst, it felt like you were giving me some permission I really needed. And that things would be okay. I knew I was making the right decision. That you were good with it.” She briefly clasps his hand.
“I was.”
“And I owe you a long-overdue thank you, Jason,” she whispers, her eyes tearing up. “I would’ve losteverybodyif I didn’t marry Kyle. I’d have lost you. Matt and Eva. Maris. Kyle, too. You savedmylife that day.”
Jason looks away and blinks back his own tears before giving her a hug on the porch swing. “Love you and Kyle, both,” he says close to her ear.
“Me, too.”
