Page 19 of Rounds
I was confused. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I can’t talk about this right now, Doctor Israel.”
My head snapped back.Dr. Israel?That was a gut check. I nodded repeatedly and walked out of the lounge, leaving her to stare at my back. Instead of going home, I went to my office. I had a shower there, and it was practically a home away from home. It was the doctor in me that wanted to stay at the hospital in case I was needed. Helping people was my passion, and I knew it was my calling in life, despite the uncertainty in my personal life. I was called to be a doctor.
When I got to my office, I no longer felt tired. The coffee had kicked in, but I also knew my frustrations with Delaney factored into that as well. While I had a lot of financial obligations, Ididn’t allow that to affect my spirit. I worked as much as I could, paying what I could pay, and asking for extensions on the rest. One thing I refused to do was wallow in depression about it. Until she could see that we would be better together, there would be no hope for us.
I could help her emotionally as well. The old saying would ring true in this moment.The best way to get over one nigga was to get up under another one.I could help her forget all about that muthafucka. I would shower her with attention, love, and devotion. After a couple of weeks with me, his ass wouldn’t even be a second thought. She would probably be angry at herself for wasting tears and emotions on that nigga. Just like I was confident in my abilities as a doctor, I was confident in my abilities to cherish her.
I supposed she thought since I was a male whore that I wouldn’t know how to conduct myself in a relationship. What she failed to realize was that I didn’t want a relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to conduct myself in one. I loved to fuck, and I didn’t deprive myself of that. I refused to catch feelings with someone based on sex. That was why I didn’t dip back often.
Going to the bathroom in my office, I took a shower and felt somewhat refreshed and ready for whatever the day had to bring. When I sat at my desk, my phone vibrated. I was hoping to see Delaney’s name, saying she’d come to her senses, but it was Charleigh needing a tune up. Apparently, the guy she was interested in was no longer interested in her. I needed to think about this. If Delaney didn’t reach out to me before the day was over, I would probably take Charleigh up on her offer.
The problem was that I couldn’t get the night with Delaney off my mind. I didn’t know if I would even be cool with sleeping with Charleigh. There was only one way to find out though. If I felt too much guilt about it, I wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t knowwhy I would feel guilty, since Delaney wasn’t mine. That was her choice. I was a viable option, but I refused to be treated like one, especially after pouring my feelings all over her. The words I spoke to her were real. If she couldn’t feel that, then it was apparent why it took her so long to figure out the nigga she was with wasn’t for her.
Instead of making Charleigh wait, I texted back now.Make plans for Friday night.
I grabbed the box of donuts I’d stopped and got before getting here and ate a lemon-filled one, wishing it was Delaney’s cream-filled pussy. I found myself zoning out and sucking the shit right out of the donut. When I realized what I was doing, I blinked rapidly. She was taking over my thoughts and my damn actions. She had me gone. I felt like a weak muthafucka right now, but I knew she would do this shit to me.
I knew she would turn my ass out and have me fucking begging her for her time. I’d done that for the past three days. Time was up on that shit. I would send her another bouquet, and that would be it. I wasn’t built to chase for long. Rejection wasn’t something I could repeatedly deal with. She’d rejected me a few times already. Her not responding to my texts was a form of rejection.
I can’t wait to see you. Thoughts of you had me cumming all over my damn bed last night.
My dick had awakened at just the mental picture I’d gotten from her words. Charleigh wanted to get fucked up. Although I’d said that I would be done with her, I needed some nasty shit to level me out and get my mind off Delaney.
After washing up in the restroom in the employee lounge, I changed into a fresh pair of scrubs and made my way to my desk in the lab. The move to my new apartment that I’d put a deposit down for on Monday, had been pushed back a whole month, and I found myself homeless. I was sleeping in the lounge when I could, and when I couldn’t, I went to my car. This was bullshit. I couldn’t afford a hotel room for that long. I would clean out my savings. So, I opted for staying in a room on the weekends. It would be obvious what I was doing if I stayed at the hospital when I didn’t have to work.
I had to put my big items in a storage unit, along with furniture I’d purchased. When I moved in with Jaunté, I let that nigga convince me to donate my furniture, since his house was already fully furnished, and his furniture was newer than mine. He’d said mine was on the verge of falling apart. As I thought about how stupid I’d been, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.Even after I had gotten everything I owned out of his house, he was still blowing my phone up, saying he was sorry and how he should have let me stay until my apartment was ready.
I had to block his ass. Now that I’d gotten everything moved, we had no reason to communicate. I’d already given the postal service my forwarding address, and the apartment complex’s office said they would hold my mail for me. My mental was fucked up about all this. I could have gone to one of my parents’ houses, but I refused to show them how stupid I’d been. I still made my weekly call, letting them know that all was well. I would tell them about my breakup with Jaunté once I moved into my new place.
I was raised to be independent. Accepting or asking for help was like a sin. So, living in a hotel over the weekends was what I would do until my space was ready. My car looked like a mini-sized travel trailer. It was packed to the max with stuff. Thankfully, I’d had enough sense to put all my scrubs in one bag instead of scattering them all over the other bags. It made my life a little less complicated. Along with independence, I valued organization.
When I got to the office, there was a huge bouquet of flowers situated on my desk. It was so beautiful. I knew it was from Glover. I hated that he’d seen me at my weakest once again. It was like it was so damn hard to hide my true emotions from him. I wished he could understand the turmoil I was in. It wasn’t just from a broken heart. I was in turmoil because I no longer trusted people. He was possibly the right guy but definitely at the wrong time. While his eyes held sincerity and passion in them, my heart couldn’t receive it for what it was. I talked myself into believing it was fake.
They all were passionate and considerate at first. That was how they got you. They dropped off some good dick, pretended to care about you, even said they loved you, looked out for you,then fucked around on you. Their job was to get you comfortable and then string you along like a stupid bitch. That was exactly what I felt like . . . a stupid, naïve bitch. Being in that mindset caused me to retreat from everyone. I wouldn’t even talk to my coworkers, and patients were starting to take notice, especially ones that had seen me before.
I wanted to take time off, but I’d already used up my days. If I took days off, I wouldn’t be getting paid for them. Right now, I needed all my lil coins, especially after buying a bedroom suit, living room furniture, and a table. I should have financed it, but I was thinking about the interest I would be paying if I did. I paid cash for it, then found out two days later that my apartment wouldn’t be ready as promised. I was sinking. I could feel it.
Going to the bouquet, I pulled the card from the stem. I was expecting a long drawn out note on it, but there wasn’t. There was only his signature. I closed my eyes and held it to my chest. This was so hard. My heart wanted to give in and lay in his arms like I did nearly a week ago, but my mind was rejecting him, saying I wasn’t ready. I needed to get over my feelings of betrayal, sadness, and rejection before allowing him to pull me into a relationship I wasn’t mentally ready for.
Glover was a doctor. It would be easy for him to cheat. All he would have to say was that he got an emergency call or got called in to help out in the emergency room. I would drive myself insane trying to keep up with him and his whereabouts. I sat in my chair and took deep breaths, praying that things would get easier for me. I knew my breakup was fresh, and I just needed time, but I knew Glover was trying to pull away from me simply because of how impersonal the note on the flowers was. If he pulled away, maybe he wasn’t for me anyway.
Sliding the card in one of my desk drawers, I booted up my computer then went to get a cup of coffee. Tremeka appeared next to me and slid her hand to mine. She was my work bestieand the only person I talked to about my personal business. She still didn’t know everything.
“Laney, are you okay? You’ve had bags under your eyes all week. This isn’t you.”
I nodded. “I’m okay.”
“No, you aren’t. There are rumors going around that you’ve been sleeping here and that your car is full of shit. Did that nigga put you out before you could get a place?” she asked quietly.
I closed my eyes, knowing that I would be sleeping in my car in the visitor parking section of the garage from now on. After stirring my coffee, I looked up at Tremeka, and said, “I’m fine.”
She left me alone for now, after glancing at the flowers, but I knew she would be pressing me to talk later. I would do my best to avoid her. I slowly shook my head and went back to my desk. I set my coffee down, then moved the bouquet to the top of file cabinet, out of the way. I flopped in my chair and got on the computer to see what orders had come through as I sipped my coffee. When I saw one from Dr. Israel, I tried to ignore it, because I didn’t want to possibly see him.
He was done with me and that shit hurt more than I thought it would. I huffed loudly and accepted it since the orders assigned to me were all on that floor anyway. Getting up, I went to check the basket to see if there were any more on the same floor and found two. I took them from the pile, went back to my desk for my name badge, walkie talkie, and coffee, then made my way to the ninth floor.
The minute I walked off the damn elevator, I saw him. He was smiling at some nurse, and she was laughing like he was Katt Williams doing an HBO special. I tried to ignore them as I made my way around the desk to log into the computer. I wasn’t in the mood for this shit. I didn’t speak to a soul. Once I got logged in and pulled up the patient information, I made my wayto the room. The orders didn’t come from Dr. Israel, so hopefully he wouldn’t micromanage me today.
