Page 7 of Rounds
For this moment in time, I was wishing for bitterness to fill me so letting go would be easier. I wouldn’t wish this hurt on anyone. My thoughts went to Glover. I could tell he was hurting. That was why he got away from me so quickly. Apparently, he was the only family his dad had, because no one else had shown up at the hospital, unless they’d gotten there after I left to pick up their food. We’d only had a couple of brief interactions, but I wanted to be there for him already.
When I got home, I huffed. Before I could even get out of the car, that nigga was on the back porch, staring at me. I’d backed in, so the front of my car was facing the back of the house. Since I threatened to leave, now he wanted to show me all the attention I’d been craving for the past few months. I rolled my eyes and got out of the car to get this shit over with. Grabbing my bag, I closed the door and headed to the porch where he was.
When I got close, he opened the back door and stood to the side to let me walk in first. I didn’t bother speaking, because he’d been blowing me the fuck up. He closed the door behind us as Itossed my keys on the countertop. I hung my bag on the hook I’d put by the back door then turned to face him.
“I’m sorry, Laney.”
I frowned. “What are you apologizing for?”
“For being emotionally unavailable. I’ve been distant, and it’s because I’ve been working so much. I just be tired.”
I shifted my weight and put my hand on my hip, contemplating walking right the fuck out the door and getting a hotel room for the night. When he saw my stance, he slid his hand down his face. That was a telltale sign that he was nervous. He knew that I knew something, but he didn’t know what I knew. I had to assume that was why he remained quiet. “You wanna come at me again with the truth, nigga?”
He frowned. “What do you mean? I told you the truth, Delaney.”
“You already in the hot seat for treating me like a fucking option, and you still have the nerve to lie. You fucking ridiculous.”
I walked toward our bedroom and grabbed a duffle bag. I started slinging shit in it. There was no way I could stay here with him. He grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around. Before I could even restrain myself, I brought my hand all the way back and slapped the piss out of him. “You’re a fucking liar, and I don’t have time for the shit. You don’t want to say what the truth is, because you don’t know what I know. You’re afraid to admit to some shit I may not know about. Fuck you, Jaunté.”
He stood there stunned. I’d never even threatened to hit him.Fuck nigga.Giving him what I knew, I said, “I know you weren’t at work the other night. Stacy said they were busy as hell because of a patient going off the rails, and they sure could have used your help. You told them you had promised to take me somewhere and couldn’t renege. Secondly, I fucking heard your ass on the phone in the bathroom last night. You’re cheatingon me. That’s why you’re so fucking busy. I’ll be moving soon, but tonight, I have to sleep somewhere else. The sight of you is making me sick to my stomach.”
I walked out of our bedroom and went to the bathroom to grab some hygiene items. Once I stuffed them in my bag, I headed back to the door. He remained silent, probably not knowing what to say. There was nothing hecouldsay. He was busted. I opened the back door, only for him to close it. I turned to him ready to go the fuck off.
“I fucked up, Laney. I’m so damn sorry. Please don’t leave me. Give me another chance to get this shit right. Please.”
“Are you serious? You’re fucking someone else. You’ve been distant for four damn months. You’ve probably been cheating the entire time.”
“I haven’t, but the point is that I did. I’m sorry.”
“No, the fucking point is that you’re a liar and a cheater, and I don’t fucking trust you anymore. You were probably cheating for our entire relationship, having me looking like a fool all over Silverrun. This is bullshit I shouldn’t have to deal with at all. I just want you to leave me alone.”
I grabbed my keys and the bag I’d hung by the door when I first got here and opened the door. I took one last look back, doing my best to withhold my emotions, and walked to my car. He stood on the porch and watched me leave him. Hopefully, whenever I came to get the rest of my things, he wouldn’t be home. I threw my bags in the back seat of my car, then slid inside. My breathing had gotten heavy. The weight of this was killing me, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how broken I felt.Fuck him.
I pulled out of the driveway then finally let the tears grace my cheeks. It was like my life was a fucking game to him. My heart was the prize, and he obviously thought that once he had it, he couldn’t lose it. He was wrong about that shit. I drove until Imade it to the hotel down the street from the hospital. I was off on weekends, but I would probably call my supervisor to see if I could work tomorrow. Being alone while feeling like this was a no-go. The last thing I wanted to do was sink into depression.
I usually used my weekends for self-care. I did my natural tresses and went to the salon to get my nails and facials done. I got my hair done once a month there when I wanted it straightened. I could handle all the other styles I wanted it in, unless I got braids. I hadn’t had those in a while. When I went to the desk, I got a room for the entire weekend. I didn’t want to go back to that house until I was moving out. Had I paid the deposit today on that loft, I could have been moving in Monday. Now their business office would be closed until Monday. I would be sure to pay my deposit as soon as they opened.
After getting to my room, I flopped on the bed and called my supervisor. She was ecstatic that I wanted to work, because they were typically shorthanded in the emergency room over the weekends. Like any other hospital, there was always an uptick of patients on the weekends. Once I ended the call with her, I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
I would have to tell my parents that I was moving when that time came. Although we weren’t close, they knew where I lived. They had the need-to-know details about my life. They knew I was in a relationship and that we lived together. We caught up once a week usually.
My thoughts drifted to Glover Israel. His dark skin was slightly red when I brought the food to him. As I recalled details, I remembered that his tinted lips had quivered when he spoke to me. His muscular frame was somewhat slumped, and his eyes held a sadness that looked like it would take him down at any moment. He’d slid his hand down the top of his head before he walked back toward the door to the hospital. His waves looked alittle disheveled, like he’d been rubbing his head a lot, and so did his beard. Those were probably nervous habits of his.
I closed my eyes, and silently prayed for him and his father again before my mind drifted back to my current situation with Jaunté. Slowly shaking my head, I stood from the bed and went to start the shower. I pulled my scrubs off and pinned my hair up. Once I put my shower cap on and took off my undergarments, I got in, letting the hot water relax my tensed muscles. Before I could stop myself, my emotions fell out of me like air out of a blown tire.
My feelings were going crazy. I was hurt, angry, and lost. That was a dangerous combination for anyone. Pulling myself together, I washed my body then got out and moisturized my skin. I cleaned my face and applied my night cream then replaced my shower cap with a bonnet and made my way back to the bed. I saw a text notification on my lock screen and rolled my eyes. Jaunté would get blocked as soon as I got all my shit out of his house. I unlocked the screen to read his message.
I’m not giving up, baby. I love you, and I’m so sorry. Seeing your hurt, although you were trying to disguise it with anger, made me feel lower than the sole of my shoe. I can’t believe I willingly hurt you like this. I promise I’m going to make all this shit right. Don’t give up on me. Please.
His message only produced more tears out of me, fucking up my face cream I’d just applied. He just didn’t understand. Just because I was soft with him at one time, didn’t mean he still had access to that side of me. He lost that privilege. I refused to waste the little energy I had left responding to him. I had to try to get some sleep to be ready for my day tomorrow. Hopefully, work would keep me distracted enough so I didn’t have to think about his ass or my broken heart.
When I woke up, I immediately looked over at my dad to see he was playing on his phone. I blew out an exasperated breath, and said, “Good morning. How you feeling?”
“Good morning. I’m feeling okay. I slept too much last night. I’ve been awake since four this morning.”
I looked at the time to see it was six. His breathing sounded pretty decent to say his lung had collapsed. The collapse was mild, but I was about to worry myself to death, trying to stay awake to watch him. I finally fell asleep about two o’clock this morning. He was still in ICU, but since I was a doctor, I was afforded privileges normal people didn’t get, like sleeping in here. I would probably move him back to a regular room tomorrow morning if he continued to do well today.Maybe God is proving me wrong after all.
I went to the sink and brushed my teeth. I’d gone down to my vehicle last night and gotten my overnight bag from it. I didn’t bother to take it out of the car from the other night. Here on the fourth floor, there was a room where I could sleep a little more comfortably, but I wanted to be close to my father. I wasn’t ready to let go, so anything I could do to keep that from happening was what I would do.
