Page 35 of The Prices We Pay
“Yeah, Sweetheart. Okay. But I’m coming with you, and Seb is going to meet us there to do a sweep.”
“And you’ll explain to me what the hell is going on. Right?”
I can tell it’s not really a question. I’m also ninety-five percent positive that she has some sort of magical ability to see through any bullshit and will surely kick me in the balls if she finds out I’m lying to her. “Right.”
Leaning in, I press a gentle kiss against her forehead, and I feel her relax against me before she lets out the softest sigh. The sound causes all of the blood that’s drumming in my head to shoot straight to my dick.
I’m not a perfect man, but even I know now is not the time. Not when this could have ended so much worse.
But before I have a chance to back away and lead her out of Jean & Joan’s, she slowly wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me tight against her.
Not even God himself could stop my ill-timed boner now.
And judging by the way her body stiffens against me, she feels it. Yet she doesn’t back away. In fact, she tightens her arms ever so slightly.
“Sweetheart,” I groan. My voice is full of longing for her and agony over the fact that I know I can’t have her. Not yet.
Once we got back from Kings last night, just as we were each about to go our respective ways, Luca announced that the four of us needed to sit down and figure out what we were going to do about Joe. Then he just walked into his room and shut the door. That was it. That’s all he said. He didn’t even spend the night with Seb.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand what he was getting at, though. Regardless of how little he said, the statement spoke volumes. I’ve been clear about my fascination and infatuation with Joe from the moment I met her in the lobby of our building. I want her like I’ve never wanted anyone else. My obsession with her rivals any addiction I’ve ever faced.
I see it in Dante, too. He will never say it out loud, but I see it in the way he looks at her. The way his tightly coiled body eases momentarily whenever she walks into a room. Hers does the same whenever she sees him. There’s something inside each of them that makes the other feel safe in a way they don’t feel with anyone else, and he needs that. He needs to feel safe in order to feel brave enough to be with someone the way that he craves.
The fact that Luca even made such an abrupt statement shows me he sees something in her, too. He sees the darkness that rages within her, and he wants to swim in it. He would never put himself in such a vulnerable position otherwise. Besides his complex and undefined relationship with Seb, Luca has never let himself love another the way I know deep down that he wants to be loved, and no matter how in love he is with Sebastian—how much heneedswhat Seb offers him—he will always keep him at arm’s length. He needs someone to help him let go.
Sebastian is the only one I thought was unphased by Joe’s siren song—until last night, that is. Hishappy-go-lucky persona rarely wavers, yet when he saw her on a date last night, the possessiveness that bubbled up inside of him was as clear as day. I’m not entirely sure what suddenly prompted him to make his desires so clearly known—hell, I’m not sure he even does, but I do know he wanted her with no one else but us. He stuck to her side the entire night, only stepping away from her once we dropped her off at her apartment door and heard her slide the deadbolt in place. I doubt he has said anything to anyone about how he wants her, especially considering he might not even fully understand it himself, but Luca saw it. And Luca knows him better than anyone.
I’ll be the first to admit that the four of us are complex men. Each of us comes with our own demons that we battle every single day. Some are more visible than others. We’re all incredibly busy. If we’re not at work, we’re at some gala, fundraiser, or otherwork-relatedfunction. If we’re not doing that, then odds are we’re moving through the night as The Horsemen, taking care of business and allthat it entails. What little time is left is spent being with one another.
Being a family.
After all of that, some might think that the four of us have no desire to find love—that our lives are complete. But you couldn’t be further from the truth. They, just like me, know there’s more to life than the one we lead. It’s not that we’re worried about keeping any prospective partner safe from anyone who comes after us for retribution. We’re not like the Donovan-McDermotts; the work we do in the shadows stays in the shadows. Shit, we have kept that secret from anyone and everyone; Harper and her guys don’t even know what we do. Sure, they could have asked after everything we went through to help them get her back, but they didn’t. They know that if we had something to share, we would share it. But for now, it’s not worth the risk. It’s how we’ve protected ourselves for as long as we have. The only other people that know are my parents and Luca’s dad, Pascal.
We know we have the ability to protect the ones we love.
However, that’s the thing: we have tolet ourselveslove.
I want it. I want it with every fiber of my being. And yeah, I may have said it in the heat of the moment or for dramatics on more than one occasion, but the truth of the matter is that no one has lasted longer than a fleeting infatuation.
Dante is lonely. He’s so, so lonely. No matter how much he rolls his eyes at my antics, I see it in his deep hazel eyes every time I mindlessly flirt with him. Sometimes, I swear, he wants to do it back. He wants fire. He wants passion. He wants to be wanted.
Sebastian and Luca have each other, and I know their dynamic is beyond complex. They both get something from one another that theyneed. Something that they can only find within each other. But I’m not naive enough to believe that you can find everything you need in this life in one person. Sure, some people are lucky enough to find that, but you also shouldn’t be ashamed to search for more if you can’t. And I know that Luca needs more than whathe leads on. Just as Sebastian does. Just as Dante does.
Just as I do.
And as I look down at the woman in my arms and stare into eyes that look like storm clouds on the horizon, I’d garner a bet that we might have stumbled across the one woman brave enough to be themorethat we’re looking for.
I feel it within the very depths of my soul.
We just need to figure out how this would work. Whateverthisis.
So, until then, I need to wait. But the longer she looks up at me like that, the longer her body is pressed against mine, and the longer I stare at her parted lips as she breathes heavily against me, the harder that’s going to be. I’ve had her lips on mine once. Regardless of whether that kiss was “real” or not, all I want to do is feel it over and over again. “Josephine,” I warn again. “We have to—”
In a split second, her full lips are on mine. Family meeting be damned, I’m not pushing her off of me now. She initiated it, so it’s allowed… right?
Fuck it. I don’t even care.
I grip her waist firmly with both hands and kiss her back. She whimpers as my grip tightens, and I use the opportunity to slide my tongue into her mouth. Our chemistry is explosive, just like I knew it would be. She lets me explore her mouth with ease. She tastes so fucking good. Jesus, if her mouth tastes this sweet, I can’t imagine what the rest of her would taste like as I explored her with my tongue.
