Page 68 of The Prices We Pay
I try to set her on the bed, but her hold on me tightens. “No. Please don’t let me go.”
“Okay,” I hush. “I won’t let you go.”
And I think that’s the truest statement I’ve ever made in my life. Because she’s mine, and I’m not letting her go.
Not now. Not ever.
Since she’s still clinging to me, I use the arm I have wrapped around her back to pull back Luca’s duvet. I sit against the headboard and rest her in my lap before maneuvering the blanket back and wrapping her up in it as best I can.
“Shhh. You’re okay.” My lips brush against the crown of her head, and my hand caresses the back of her head. “You’re okay, Love. I’m here. We’re here. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
Involuntarily, I begin rocking her body in my hold as I keep peppering her with kisses and soothing her with gentle promises. Minutes go by, and her sobs turn into soft cries, which eventually turn into the occasional hiccups. Finally, her puffy steel-blue eyes look up at me, and even in this moment, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful. “Love…”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. Everything came crashing into me, and I couldn’t stop it. I don’t cry. I’m not a crier. But it just—”
“You don’t ever have to apologize to me for your feelings, Joe. Ever. You’re allowed to feel whatever you want, whenever you want. I’m just here to help you with them.”
“Is that what you do for Luca?”
“Yeah. It is.”
“How?”
“When Luca’s with me, it allows him to let go of everything. To sink into a headspace where all he has to do is listen and feel. There are no decisions he has to make, no people he needs to impress, and no worlds he has to conquer. It’s just me and him.”
“What do you get out of it?”
My answer is simple, “Him.”
While I won’t lie and say I don’t crave a dominant role in a sexual relationship, I know I’d willingly give him whatever he needed from me. It’s why I was more than okay with him exploring his feelings for her. I just… “I just want him to be happy.”
Her fingers fiddle with the chain around my neck for a moment, and she exhales a shaky breath. “That’s all I want. To be able to let go of it all and just be happy.”
“We can give that to you, Joe.”
Her hand wraps around the back of my neck. Threading her fingers through my hair, she asks, “How do you know that?”
“Did you know that the day Enzo met you in the lobby, he walked around all day, telling everyone he was in love?”
She snorts out a laugh, and it’s like music to my ears. “No, but I’m not even the slightest bit surprised.”
“He did. We couldn’t tell you how many times that man has said he was in love with someone. He’s a real-life Pepe Le Pew. So, all of us thought he was being his usual self. But when I saw you walk into that conference room that day, I knew it. I knew how, after one look, you turned his life upside-down. Because you did it to Luca, you did it to Dante, and you’ve done it to me, Joe. I have never met a woman who’s so capable. So strong.So self-sufficient. You are intelligent, funny, and so goddamn beautiful that it literally makes my eyes hurt. And if that’s not the type of woman I should be willing to do anything to ensure she has the life she deserves, then I don’t know who is.”
A small tear rolls down the apple of her rosy cheeks, and instead of swiping it away with my thumb, I tilt my head forward and plant a soft kiss over it, letting the salty taste coat my lips. “So that’s how I know, Love.”
Her glossy eyes search mine, and I feel her breath still in her chest as she garners up the courage to ask me what I know she wants. I don’t know much about sexual desires, but I can bet any amount of money she’s not one to shy away from asking for what she wants in bed. And as for what else I don’t know, I’m bound and determined to find out. I just want to hear her say the words first.
Since I’ve been with Luca, I’ve learned what he needs without him having to ask for it. I can tell his desires from a simple expression, but it took a while to get to that place. In order to have the dynamic that we have, he had to learn to ask forthings when he wanted them, and I had to learn what his queues were when he asked for those things. It’s easy to take things too far when neither party is sure of what they want. And if he didn’t trust me enough to ask for the things he desired most without fear of judgment, he sure as shit wouldn’t have trusted me enough to go through with it.
And that’s what I need from Joe if she wants me to help her in a way I know I can.Trust.
So I don’t break eye contact, ensuring her that when she’s ready to ask, I’m listening.
Fiddling with my chain, she closes her eyes for a moment, and I find myself counting her stunning dark eyelashes as they rest on her cheek. But before I finish, she opens them again, and it’s then that I see it.
Bravery.
Determination.
