Page 107 of On Merit Alone
“Okay, okay,” I winced. Picking up Mads, I plopped him down onto a knee and started pulling him on a onesie. “It’s not like that.She’snot like that. She’s got an entirely different reason to have that opinion. A valid one. But we haven’t been able to talk about it—Don’t look at me like that, Iris, I’m serious, she’s nice. Great, even. And I want to talk about it more with her, because I sort of think she’s right.”
“Ira!”
“Iris,” I groaned. She wasn’t listening. “Are you going to listen or keep turning into your mother?”
She grumbled, her arms crossing over her chest as she sank back onto the couch. “Fine, I’m listening. Go on.”
“I told her what I was considering, and she disagreed. At first I reacted like you, but then I started thinking,” I said. “I started thinking about this season and how close we were. I don’t think I’m changing my mind—not fully, at least. I still think I’m on my way out. I love the game, but I want to figure out what else I could love in this life. But…”
“But you might not be done just yet,” Iris acknowledged begrudgingly.
“Right,” I said. “Is that the most indecisive thing you’ve ever heard?”
Rising, my sister got to her feet and crossed the room to stand next to me. She was tall, but not as tall as Merit and not nearly as tall as me. She still had to cock her head back to stare up at me. Her hand grasped onto my shoulder and squeezed, and she really looked like my mother as she said in a soft encouraging voice, “Life is complicated and sometimes confusing, I. None of your decisions have to be set in stone. You’re allowed to change your mind and still be just as valid as you were when you first made a decision. None of it makes you wrong, it just means you weighed all your options and you made the best choice for you.”
I swallowed, then nodded. But apparently she wasn’t done. “And sometimes we think we know people’s intentions when we actually don’t.”
I sighed. I’d handled this all wrong. I think I liked it better when Iris was a part of the Merit and Ira fan club instead of on the hateMerit train. I wouldn’t convince her now though, not when she’d already made up her mind. So I took a different approach. “She’s got her reasons, Iris. Reasons that aren’t mine to broadcast, but I’m sure you’ll understand when you meet her.”
“When I meet her, huh?” she said, trying to hide her surprise as she raised her eyebrows.
“Exactly, so fix your face and your attitude,” I said. Then I elbowed her as I carted up the baby, his little onesie thingy hanging half off him. “And for the love of God help me with this thing, would you? I don’t understand why there are so many buttons.”
She laughed warily as she ducked slightly under Maddox and started buttoning the bottom of his onesie. She buttoned it unevenly and had to take it apart and do it again. When it still seemed wrong, she yanked it off him and dug out something else for him to wear.
I grumbled, suddenly feeling antsy. “Come on Iris, today please. Leah’s going to be here soon and I need to change before then.”
“Um, I?” Iris said tentatively.
“What?” I grunted as I lifted Mads’ butt to my nose. Jerking away I looked at the baby incredulously. “Oh, you did not just do that, man.”
Maddox giggled, and I rolled my eyes to my sister, who seemed frozen in her spot halfway to the couch. “Iris, come on, you're taking all day and your offspring is dropping bombs. Bring another diaper too?—”
“Ira!” Iris hissed, this time more urgently.
My eyebrows pinched and I followed the direction my sister was not so subtly dipping her head.
Across the living room in the entryway stood a tall, dark skinned girl with braids running down her shoulders and sunglasses on top of her head. She wore another cute color that seemed so different from her personality, and she had the stiffest look on her face.
“Mer—”
Swiftly, she turned, saying absolutely nothing to me as she twirled on her toes and started out the way she came.
I cursed. Then I ate up the space between me and my sister before shoving her baby at her, grumbling the whole way. “This goddamn girl.”
Cutting across the couches, I jumped the last one, barely escaping busting my ass as I went after her. “Six, hold up!”
She didn’t listen, of course. She was eating up the distance to the front door at warp speed. I jogged to catch up to her, reaching the door just as she was about to open it and slamming it shut.
A second ticked by and neither of us moved. She didn’t turn to look at me and I didn’t move my arm from bracketing her to the spot. Another second and the persistent woman reached for the door handle again. I used a hand on her shoulder to turn her around and she knocked it off as she faced me.
Ouch. Who was that stabbing my heart?
“Merit, Listen.” I started. She was quiet as she looked up at me, but her face was so hard that I could tell she wasn’t hearing a thing. Her eyes cast directly at my shoulder as she attempted to wait me out. I sighed and stepped closer to her, ducking down slightly so I could find her gaze. She tucked her chin away from me, casting her eyes to the ground. Something urgent and panicked twisted in my gut at her reaction.Shit, shit, shit.“Mer, it’s not what it looks like, okay? I?—”
“So I didn’t just see you with a baby and some girl talking about me while you change him together?” she asked. I hesitated because shehadin fact seen that, but— “Shirtless,” she added.
“Shit, Merit… It’s not what you think,” I groaned.
