Page 119 of On Merit Alone
I wanted to lean into it—fall into it like I’d fallen from the basketball rim all those weeks ago. But I still remembered the disappointment of the other night, and was afraid of what that might feel like on a bigger scale. My brain was using the memory of that feeling to pull ahead in the fight.
Yet, my heart remembered Ira. Remembered how he made it soar. Made it happy and safe and comfortable for the first time in averylong time.
I was torn, and I didn’t know what to do. Who to listen to.
Body?
Brain?
Or heart?
God. I think I needed a drink.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Merit
I stared at my phone,waiting for a reply. I sent the message exactly thirty seconds ago, so one should be coming through any second now.Any second now.
I bit my nail.
I drummed my fingers on the countertop.
I checked my watch.
Oh, fuck it. Lunging for the small device, I opened my lock screen and pulled up my last delivered message. No response yet. Geez. Shouldn’t she have seen it by now?
Ding!The chime of my phone couldn’t come at a more perfect time. Finally, Em had answered my vague “You busy” message from over a minute ago. Her message back was just as simple.
Em
No. Can I call you?
Me
Sure.
My phone was ringing in the nextthirty seconds.
See this is why I liked Emily. She was a direct sort of person that I could appreciate. It’s true that I’m pretty boring, and sometimes too serious, but sometimes I needed a more outgoing party to take the reins.
Which is why, when I was struggling with these daunting thoughts and feelings about Ira, she is the one I reached out to without a second thought. Of course I was giving it a second thought now as she waited on the other end of the line for me to say something.
“Uh, Merit?” Em’s voice asked from the other line. “You there?”
I cleared my throat. “Mhmm, yeah. Sorry Em, how are you?”
“I’m good…” she started, pausing awkwardly. “You?”
“Oh, I’m good,” I said, that same pause following my own words as we felt each other out.
Another second went by.
“Listen, Em—” I started at the same time she said, “What’s going on, Cap?”
We both paused again. Laughed, and then Em was telling me to go first.
“Em, I was just wondering… you guys—I mean you and the team—you all go out and stuff like that? Like together?” I asked and my God could there ever be a more embarrassing question?
