Page 131 of On Merit Alone
“No, Six. It’s not about that. Look. You were amazing last night. Like, a dream, amazing.” Swallow. “But you were drunk, and not to mention we were in the back of a club and I shouldn’t have let you… we shouldn’t have done it.”
“Because you didn't like it?”
“God no, I loved it. I just pictured something different for the first time I touched you. You touched me. I didn't picture you tugging me off in the back of a crowded area and then coming home and falling asleep unsatisfied,” he said frustratedly, finally sounding like himself a little.
“And you’re upset about it for my sake, or for your own?”
“I'm upset with myself—sometimes you’re hard to read and I haven’t been able to figure out if I took it too far,” he said. “I'm sorry if I did.”
Standing on the bed, I ignored the fact that I was in my underwear in front of him and walked over. “I'm going to sit with you, okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Can I touch you?”
“Always,” I breathed. “You don’t have to ask.”
Scooting back some, he let his hands fall to the back of my calves as I stepped into the circle of his legs and then sat in his lap. I wasn’t imagining the sigh of relief that escaped both of us as Iraclosed his arms around me, me doing the same around the back of his neck. I pressed my nose into his hair. It still smelled good, like him, even after he’d showered here at my place. He pressed his lips down to my bare shoulder, kissing many times, his hands rubbing up and down along my spine.
“You’re such a snuggler,” I murmured.
He laughed a soft chuff. “I just like being close to you.”
“You’re being really shy, King. It’s cute,” I said.
“I'm not normally like this. I’m sorry.”
“Can we start over?” I asked. “I'm thinking we might do a better job this way.”
“Alright.”
Moving a hand up, I started to brush my fingers through his hair. “I enjoyed last night. Did you?”
“Mhmm,” he said.
“I wasn’t hurt by anything that happened. Were you?”
“No.”
“I don’t always need soft, or sweet, or normal when it comes to that sort of thing… Do you?” I asked, posing the question in a way that sounded more casual, not wanting to hurt him. I guess this is what he meant by us learning each other. Even now, we were still working at it.
He paused, thinking about his answer before saying, “No. I just want to make sure I do right by you, Merit. You’re important to me. I don’t want you to think you’re something I'd be willing to screw in the back of a club and leave the day after. Because I’m clearly not. I don’t even want to let go of you right now. I want to redo last night and give you every bit of what you deserve. Every last ounce of what you made me feel, I wanted to make you feel it, too. Make you feel goodfirst. I feel like I took from you.”
“Ohhh, I get it now,” I said, kissing the side of his neck. Lowering my voice conspiratorially, I whispered, “You’re mad because I beat you to it. Can’t always be a sore loser, King.”
He laughed again and I realized then it was my favorite sound. I hated when it was missing. I ran my hand up and down his head again, soothing. I whispered, “No, seriously though, I get it.”
“Yeah?” he asked, pulling away enough that I could look at him.
I nodded. “Yeah. You’re just not capable of being a bad guy. Not even when I want you to be a little selfish.”
“Six—”
“Shh, shh, shh,” I said. “I’m talking.” When he swallowed and just looked at me I continued, “You take care of me all the time. And you’re bolder than me. Yes, I was drunk last night, but I wasn’t incoherent. I knew what I was doing. I’m usually the shy one and I'm usually the one being taken care of. But last night I got to be the opposite; I got to do something I wanted to do for a long time. Take care of you.”
He grumbled a little and I smiled. “So you know, I don’t do that sort of thing with just anybody either. I was able to do it with you because I felt comfortable. And I think I know you enough to know you’re the same way.”
He nodded. And I felt something in my chest move. My heart missing a beat, maybe? I swallowed.
“Plus, after we talked about trust, it was nice to see that you trusted me… to do that. That you trusted me with your body,” I admitted, suddenly feeling shy myself. When he nuzzled my face to keep me from ducking my gaze, I sighed in relief. Opening my eyes again, I smirked. “Andyou’re a bit of a control freak, King. It was nice to take it from you for a little while.”
