Page 162 of On Merit Alone
He laughed too, a whistle of breath that trickled down over my skin. “Not yet, sweetheart. For now I’m just promising.”
I shivered. The truth of not just his words but his actions from that very first day he’d caught my fall in the office cooling me to a chilling realization I’d been suspecting for a long time now. It brought something between a laugh and a sob out of my throat.
“Ira…” All I could say was his name because all I could think of was him.
Him, him, him.
I shook my head, the tears I was supposed to be keeping inside leaking down like a drip from a faucet.
“Why are you crying right now?
“Because.”
“Because?”
“Because you call me sweetheart and buy me dessert and take me places and help me go to appointments I’m afraid of and defend me and talk me off a ledge when I’m ready to jump and…” I took a gasping breath as I tried to regain my crumbling composure, my hands coming up to cover my face.
“And?” he coaxed softly.
I shook my head. “And I’m so happy right now.”
Hands slipped into my own, pulling them away from my face and bringing Ira’s brilliant smile into view. With the same soft voice, he asked, “Then why do you look so hurt?”
My breath rattled, my voice only a whisper. “Because everything I’ve ever loved has left me devastated, Ira.”
He searched me for a long moment, his gaze going all over my features. “Are you saying that you’re in love with me, Six?”
“I think so…” I said, but immediately shook my head. That wasn’t right. Imorethan thought so. I felt it with every atom that made up my person. And even though it terrified me to admit, I did. I loved him, and he should know it. He deserved to after the gentle way he’d been treating my feelings since he met me. “Yes. I love you, Ira.”
Something passed through his eyes then. Something claiming and right. Something that was only ours.
Reaching between us, he wiped at my eyes and propped a knuckle under my chin, lifting my gaze up. Watching my face intently, he ran his thumb along the apples of my cheek in a gentle caress.
“Thank fuck,” he laughed breathily into his smile. “I was starting to get worried there.”
“About what?”
“That you wouldn’t love me back,” he said incredulously. “Because I’ve loved you since you came to my house that day, and I’ve been falling deeper ever since. When I told you I wanted to know you, it wasn’t because I had to figure out if I could love you or even why I did. It was because I wanted to understand this person I was choosing. I wanted to see if I had a chance of her choosing me back.”
My heart swelled, my chest suddenly feeling too small to keep the damn thing enclosed. Ira had wrenched it open and made a home for himself there. Instead of fighting it, I let the weighty feeling settle over me. I let him consume me and let myself fall, at least as much as I could, into the feeling of his safety. His home.
“Do you, Mer?” I heard Ira ask.
“Do I what?”
“Choose me back?”
“Jesus, Ira,” I breathed. “You’re the only possibility. Nothing even comes close to you.”
He let out a breath that seemed to have been held for weeks,maybe months. Suddenly, I felt sorry for making him believe there was ever a world in which he didn't mean the sum of it to me. But I also understood it had taken all of what we’d done together to realize that and even more time to admit it.
Now that I had, I don’t think I could ever take it back. I didn’t want to. Which is why, instead of continuing to cry even though this big ball of happy emotion was still welling in my chest, my throat, and my heart—I scooted into his lap. In an instant, he settled his arms around my waist and back, looking up at me as I looked down.
Leaning over him, I bracketed his neck with my fingertips as I brought my mouth down just over his. My entire body shook as he ran a slow hand up my back in a hauntingly satisfying motion, pulling more truth from my lips. “Nothing will ever come close.”
He hummed a hungry sound, his eyes a mirror of it as that hand cupped the back of my neck and pulled me down the rest of the way to his mouth. I groaned into the kiss, feeling my body melt over his. I was hot, and we’d already crossed the line of public displays of fornication. Maybe he wouldn’t think twice about giving me what I wanted now. Him.
Our phones chose that moment to chime simultaneously. The growl Ira let out answered my question right there. He would’ve given me what I wanted. But if both of our phones were going off, it could only be one thing.
