Page 93 of On Merit Alone
“Um…”
“No lies, Six,” he commanded.
“I don't really watch a lot of shows, I watch a lot of content, I guess,” I said vaguely.
Taking it in stride, like he did everything else, he said, “Cool. What kind of videos do you like to watch?”
I ducked my head, my hands going up to press into my cheeks, already embarrassed.
This piqued his interest, causing him to lean away from me to get a better look. He was smiling, anticipation clear on his face. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”
“No!”
“You sit up here watching pimple popping videos all night, don’t you?” he pressed, teasingly.
“No,Ira! Even though those are sometimes satisfying…”
“Six!” he exclaimed, his chest bouncing as he laughed. “You’re sick!”
I covered my face. “I didn't say I watched them all the time! Just sometimes, okay! And that’s not what I watch anyway?”
“What do you watch then?” he asked, coming down with soft lingering chuckles. His eyes sliced my way when I didn't answer. “Before my hair turns gray, Six. C’mon.”
“I like to watch compilation videos. Mostly dogs. Dogs are my favorite,” I said.
He smiled pleasantly at that, his fingers already working to pull up the video streaming app and find a compilation. Absently he tossed over his shoulder, “And when it isn’t dogs, what other compilations do you like?”
The sound of an ad rang in our ears, but I ignored it looking down at my hands. In a more subdued voice, I chose to admit something that I didn’t think I would to another person. Ever. “Families.”
Ira’s head snapped up, his gaze locking with mine. “Families?”
“Yeah,” I said. My shrug could have pulled off the nonchalance I was aiming for if I didn't tremble with it. “Surprise visits. Pranks. Christmas mornings. That kind of stuff. I like watching them sometimes.”
A lot of the time.
He hummed, a lingering pause rolling between us. I winced in apprehension. That look resembled curiosity. He was going to askquestions, and I was going to have to answer them. At least he sat back, feigning a casual look at the TV when he did. “Do you follow any family blogs specifically?”
Swallowing, I sat back too, focusing my gaze ahead but not seeing much of what played on the screen. “No. I’ve never wanted to give myself the illusion that I was a part of something I’m not. If I let myself get attached to any one thing, I’ll be disappointed when it ends.” I shot him both an apologetic and pathetic look since he knew firsthand what happened when I got attached. How easily I became disappointed.
“Is that why you’re always holding back?” he asked. “Why I only see you smile like that rarely, after weeks of knowing you?”
I lifted a shoulder lamely, because yes. That’s exactly why I had been holding back around him. With Ira, blind annoyance had turned to admiration so quick it gave me whiplash. And still, the more time I spent with him, that admiration turned to adoration. His easy laughs and simple calm, his way of being that both tested me and complimented me. They all pulled feelings and emotions out of me like a thread that had been sewn up so tight for so long, I thought not even the sharpest scissors could snap it free.
Ira had done it all so easily that it was hard not to be guarded on what he was about. Like I said, I had to be prepared for an imminent future in which he would be done with me. And that future would look a lot harder if I let myself fall for him completely.
That would all be difficult to admit though, evenifI was willing to say any of it.
“So you were orphaned at fourteen,” he said, but I could tell it was a question. I nodded, the answer simple. He looked down at me. “So that would make you a ward of the state.”
I nodded again, thinking about a time all those years ago when I’d first become alone. “I grew up out east. Virginia. I didn’t love going to school, but I wanted to be on the team, so Grandpa worked out a hybrid program where my grandparents took over myschooling and the school system did the testing. That way I could still be a part of the teams and compete to win myself a better chance at a good college scouting me.”
“How are we talking about basketball again, Merit?”
I patted his arm as if to tell him to‘hold on.’He did, letting me continue. “When everything happened and the state wasn’t able to locate any living family who might take me in, I went into the system. But since my schooling was advanced far past my age and I had already been scouted heavily by colleges out west, I only stayed in homes for about two years before I was permitted to graduate and move away. To start on my own.”
“How early?” he asked.
“I was seventeen when I graduated… Basically seventeen,” I said.
