Page 60 of Attractive Forces
Logan was twelve when he figured it out. He’s almost eighteen now. That’s nearly six years of hiding who he is. One-third of his life.
A secret ricocheting inside you is like a bullet, causing untold damage because it can’t escape.
“I used to pray about it,” he says. “There are all these miracles in the Bible, you know, like changing water into wine and Jesus walking on water. I used to pray for another miracle that would make me straight.”
I snap my gaze up to him. “You still feel like that?” I ask softly.
“Nah, I don’t feel like that now…” He ducks his head before looking up at me with eyes full of heat. “There have been times recently where I’ve been incredibly happy to be gay.”
A warm flush goes through my body because I’m pretty sure I know exactly what moments he’s referring to.
“So, what about you?” he asks.
“I’ve…had crushes on girls,” I say. I almost feel bad admitting it. “Not many though, and I always kind of noticed guys, but nothing like with you.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “So, you thought I was hot?”
“I knew you were good-looking at the start, yeah, but…I don’t know. It’s weird. The more I got to know you, the more attractive you became.”
Logan just stares at me for a long moment. “You can’t say shit to me like that when I can’t kiss you,” he says finally.
“Sorry.”
The air between us sizzles.
“You know, attraction is another core chemistry principle,” I say.
I almost deserve the pillow Logan grabs off my bed and aims at my head.
“So,how long have you been tutoring Logan?” Annaliese asks after Logan leaves.
“A few months.”
“He’s gorgeous,” she says.
“I’ll take your word for it,” I say. Then feel bad because it feels like lying. But what can I say?If you think he’s gorgeous with his clothes on, you should see him naked!
I change the topic. “Is Aaron home yet?”
“No, I haven’t seen him this afternoon.”
Damn. I’m fairly sure as part of his grounding for his latest stunt, Aaron’s supposed to come straight home from school. Unfortunately, he appears to have realized that when he’s already grounded indefinitely, there isn’t much we can do when he doesn’t follow the rules.
“Aaron’s going off the rails,” I say.
Annaliese shrugs. “Who can blame him?” She turns her attention back to her phone.
Anger flares inside me. “That’s it? That’s your big-sister input?”
Annaliese puts down her phone to regard me coolly. “What do you want me to do, Jake? I’m working two jobs. I’m trying to keep my grades up so I keep my scholarship because without that, I’ll drown in student loans. I don’t have time to worry about what’s going on here.”
“Some of us don’t have the luxury of being able to completely ignore our family.”
She just stares at me. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”
I run my hand through my hair. I don’t know what I want her to do either. It’s not like she has a magic wand she can wave and everything will be okay. Mum wouldn’t be so tired, Aaron wouldn’t be misbehaving, Dad wouldn’t be in prison… A lump grows in my throat at this line of thinking, and I swallow it quickly.
What do I want from Annaliese? I want her to show she cares, at the very least. That she can see that all that’s currently holding our family together is a strand of scotch tape rapidly losing its stickiness.
