Page 94 of Attractive Forces
“I’m really sorry this has happened.” He swallows hard. “You can’t blame yourself, Jake. We’ve all done things we regret.” He raises his gaze to mine, and the certainty of his words before is nothing compared to the weight in his gaze now. “But I will never regret us.”
An indescribable mix of emotions floods through me. I don't have time to process them before I hear the sound of footsteps.
I rip my gaze away from Logan to see Matt approaching us.
“We’re going to try the next ridge over. Same thing, keep your eyes peeled for any signs that Aaron might have come this way.”
“Okay,” Logan says. I nod my agreement. My throat is too choked to get words out.
We walk with Matt, climbing up a steep bank to a rocky outcrop. In the far distance, we can see the thin line of the highway, with miles and miles of rough bush in between.
I try to force my mind back to the task at hand.
But as we spread out down the ridge, Logan’s words come back to me.
I will never regret us.
I clutch the words like a talisman. Logan doesn’t regret us. Despite how everything has turned out, I’m still his favorite person, and he doesn’t regret us.
As the winter sun moves across the sky, it’s the only positive thing in a bleak landscape.
Because no matter how hard we search, we don’t find Aaron.
30
Logan
I’m supposed to be sleeping. Resting before the big game tomorrow.
What a fucking laugh. I can’t even think about rugby right now because Aaron is still missing.
I continue to replay the day, all the hours spent in the bush searching, the rough branches scratching my arms, Jake’s face growing emptier and emptier as the hours trudged on with no sign of Aaron.
When dusk fell, we went back to Jake’s house. The mood was grim.
The best-case scenario, that Aaron made it through the bush to the highway and is hitchhiking up the South Island, completely oblivious to how much stress he’s causing, is looking more and more unlikely the longer this goes on.
I hated to leave Jake, but my father insisted on me coming home. I was grateful he, along with about a dozen members of the congregation, turned up to help search for Aaron. I just wasn’t grateful when he made me leave Jake so I could get a decent night’s sleep. But I couldn’t think of a good enough argument for why I had to stay.
I told Jake I don’t regret us. And I don’t. I could never regret spending time with him, becoming his friend, falling in love with him.
I only regret that everything has turned out like this.
I must finally drift off to sleep because when my phone beeps, it stirs me from a doze.
I sit up and reach for my bedside light, my chest tight. As I was leaving, I made Jake promise to message me if anything happened.
My mouth is dry as I grab my phone.
Jake’s message fills the screen.
Just found him. He’d fallen down a cliff. Alive but not looking good. Flying him to Dunedin for surgery. Heading there now.
My stomach hollows. I blink at the time on my phone. It’s four a.m. The morning of the biggest rugby match of my life.
But I know where I have to be.
I’m out of bed immediately, throwing on jeans and a hoodie.
