Page 39 of The Other Brother
The silence thickens between us. Eventually Cody’s breathing evens out.
I lie there, letting the sound of him sleeping next to me soothe away the last of the panic from my dream.
Cody’s here. He’s safe.
The next morning,I roll over as I open my eyes, and Cody’s right there. He’s turned to face me in his sleep, his curls spilling over the pillow.
Shit.
What felt so right last night, asking him to stay with me, now seems strange in the gray light of the morning.
Or maybe my strange feeling is because of how it doesn’t feel that weird? How finding Cody curled up next to me seems such a natural thing.
I have to recite times tables backwards and remember the exact snaggle of my third grade teacher Ms. Finlay’s teeth and the ten hairs she had on her chin to stop my body having a natural reaction to waking up next to Cody.
When Cody opens his eyes a few minutes later, he doesn’t look like he thinks it’s a natural thing. He looks freaked out.
“Keep your morning breath away from me,” I say.
A hesitant smile blooms on his lips.
“You sleep okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, really well. You? No more bad dreams?” he asks, stretching. The act of stretching causes the duvet to slip off his shoulders.
“No.” I tug the duvet back down around me. I change tack. “Thanks for coming to my rescue last night. Rescuing me like a maiden in distress. You’re my loyal knight in shining armor. Sir Cody of the Round Table. Actually, you’d look good in those tights they used to wear.”
Cody doesn’t laugh like I expect him to. Instead, his eyebrows knit together. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Cover everything up with a joke.”
My stomach tightens. “I do not.”
“Yeah, you do. You’re allowed to be freaked out by what happened yesterday. It’s perfectly normal.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to laugh rather than the alternative, okay?” My voice is strained.
Cody pins me with his stare. I’m like an insect stuck in one of those collection boxes. “What’s the alternative in this case?”
“I don’t know… I guess the alternative is thinking about how close that boy came to dying yesterday. How freaked out I was that I would do something wrong. I would have felt like crap if he had died, like I’d let everyone down.”
Also, I’m trying not to think about the fact that we’re going to be apart soon, and my subconscious obviously doesn’t like that idea.
“Even if he had died, you wouldn’t have let anyone down, Ryan. You’d have tried your best. You’d still be a hero. It shouldn’t depend on the outcome.”
I let his words sink in, turn them over in my mind. Because Cody’s making a valid point. No matter if the boy had lived or died, my actions were exactly the same. I deserve the same amount of credit. It’s hard to get my head around that, though.
“If I’m a hero, would I be more Superman or Spider Man?” I ask.
“There you go again.” Cody rolls his eyes and climbs out of bed.
“It’s a legitimate question,” I defend. “Am I more Clark Kent or Peter Parker, do you think?”
Cody throws me a look. “Definitely Peter Parker,” he says as he leaves.
The next morning,heading out surfing is charged with a different feeling. After the events of yesterday, I can’t look at the ocean in the same way. Yesterday was definitely a reminder that the sea is a dangerous beast that you’ve got to treat with respect.
