Page 122 of Playing for Keeps
Luke ran his hand through his hair, staring down at me. “Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me?”
“I’m guessing it was because you’d fucked off to Japan and you were hardly talking to anyone!”
Luke’s chest rose and fell.
The horror on his face caused my guilt to flare up to epic levels.
“It’s my fault, okay! If you’re looking for someone to blame for this, blame me! I was the one who introduced her to prescription painkillers.”
Luke gaped at me. “You what?”
“In my second season, I tore my calf. And I was in a lot of pain, and I had these extra strength painkillers. I gave one to Char one day when she had a headache and I don’t know, I guess she liked the floaty feeling they gave her. I didn’t realize when she started to take them from my stash.”
Luke blinked. “What the fuck, Ethan? You grew up with dope-headed losers. You know better than anyone how dangerous that shit can be.”
“I know! But do you think I was actually thinking straight at any point in those years? How the hell did you think I was going to cope when you left me?” The words tumbled out of my mouth in a vicious gush. “You were fucking everything to me and then suddenly you were gone and I had a kid and I had to step up and be a parent and I had no fucking idea what I was doing!”
“I left because you slept with my sister! I was completely in love with you and you slept with her!” Luke’s eyes blazed and his hands trembled.
My breath rushed out of me at the pain in his voice. Shit. It was what I’d suspected but hearing him say the words tore my heart in two.
“I slept with her because she looked at me with your eyes and I was drunk and so confused about how much I wanted you and I was too stupid to get it!”
Luke drew in a sharp breath.
“I was too stupid to get it!” I repeated. “I was too stupid to get that I was in love with my best friend. But trust me, I get it now!”
His chest continued to heave.
“But you realize this makes everything worse, right?” I continued. “Because what the fuck are we going to do? I was already worried about how Char would react when she found out. How the hell do we add this into the mix now?”
Luke stared at me, his expression tight. “I don’t know,” he said finally.
“I don’t want to confuse Theo more than he already is. Last time this happened, he was a baby. Now he’s big enough to understand.” I dropped my face into my hands again. “I feel like I’ve failed,” I continued, my voice raw. “All I wanted to do was stop Theo from having as fucked up a childhood as I had.”
“Theo’s childhood hasn’t been fucked up,” Luke said.
I managed a harsh laugh as I straightened up to look at Luke. “His father was over in Australia screwing his uncle while his mum overdosed. I think that’s the definition of fucked up, isn’t it?”
I stood up and started throwing my gear into my bag, my hands shaking.
Luke came up behind me and put a hand on my arm. Despite everything, I found myself leaning into his touch.
“Let’s just get home, okay?” he said. “We’ll deal with everything when we get home.”
Chapter30
Luke
The next day we caught the earliest flight to Christchurch and landed on a frosty morning. The whole city looked glittering and bright.
Neither Ethan nor I had slept a wink the night before, even after the call came from my father to say that they’d given Char activated charcoal and she was stable.
Ethan had been tense and pale the whole way home.
“You going straight to the hospital?” he asked after we collected our luggage.
“Yeah. I mean, that’s what I was planning, but I don’t have to—”
