Page 137 of Playing for Keeps
Even if my mother had been healthy, I didn’t know what type of grandmother she’d have made. She’d never been particularly interested in me when I was a kid, despite having been a whole lot healthier than she was now.
I held Theo’s hand as I walked him to his class. I’d talked to the school when everything happened with Char and asked them to keep a close eye on him. So now, after Theo hung up his bag and joined his friends playing marble races on the mat, I approached his teacher. “I just wanted to check how Theo’s been going,” I said in a low voice.
“He’s doing fine,” Ms. Henrick said. “He was quiet for a few days, but he’s bounced back. Kids are resilient and Theo seems to have a great support system around him.”
“Yeah, he does.”
She gave me an understanding smile. “He’s a great kid. You should be very proud.”
“Thanks.”
She’d never know she’d dodged a bullet, given that Theo took after the Hunter side of his family with his attitude to school. But even thinking about that, remembering what Luke had been like as a kid, caused an ache inside me.
Would this ever stop hurting?
After hugging Theo goodbye, I drove to the supermarket and got groceries, then headed home and started unpacking them in the kitchen. Even simple menial tasks couldn’t distract me from the pain. This feeling that my insides had been ripped out, leaving only a gaping, empty hole.
There was a sharp rapping on the front door. As I walked down the hallway, I could make out a familiar figure through the glass panels.
Luke.
My heart was in my throat as I opened the door.
Luke’s dark eyes fixed on mine, his expression as intense as I’d ever seen it. “I’m not running away.” His voice was ragged.
“What?”
“I’m not running away this time. I’m standing here, my heart broken and bleeding, and I’m telling you that I love you and I want you. No, I don’t want just you. I want the me I am when I’m around you. I wantus.”
My heart thudded.
“And I’m not going to Auckland. Because rugby is only going to be for a few years of my life. But I’m hoping you’re going to be forever.” He clawed his hand through his hair. “And I know it’s complicated with Char and Theo and everything but I want you to know that I’m not leaving. I’m here in whatever capacity you’ll have me. Always.”
Fuck. My eyes burned. I glanced away from Luke’s intense gaze, my eyes falling on the photo on the wall of me holding Theo as a newborn.
I could remember those early days so clearly. That complex mixture of fear and awe but, overriding that, the overwhelming love I’d felt for him. It had surprised me in its intensity, but there had been something familiar about it.
I’d thought Anthony had taught me how to be a father. And it was true, he’d shown me what a father’s love and devotion should look like. But the basic bedrock of knowing how to love someone was ingrained in me from a different source.
Luke.
He’d taught me what love looked like in so many small moments when we were kids.
I’d been so worried about not being good enough for him, I’d failed to see the love between us. He’d loved me. I’d loved him.
It was that simple.
I looked at him now. His hair was disheveled from raking his hands through it, but he was still so handsome, so kind, so talented.
The thing was, I no longer thought I didn’t deserve him. I definitely deserved him. Because Luke deserved to be loved completely and absolutely. And no one could ever love him as much as I did. It wasn’t possible.
I looked him in the eye. “I always thought growing up that I needed you more than you ever needed me.”
“Ethan—”
“The thing is, I know now I can survive without you.” I took a deep breath through my nose. “I just don’t want to. And I’ve been so concerned about the impact of everything on Theo. But the only reason I know how to love Theo is because of you.”
Luke’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
