Page 22 of Playing for Keeps
Would I ever stop feeling like crap every time Luke made it obvious he didn’t want to be my friend?
For six years there had been a giant hole at the center of my existence. I’d tried to paper over it by concentrating on being a devoted dad to Theo, on being the best rugby player I could be. But even the limited time I’d spent with Luke so far was a painful reminder of everything I’d lost. I knew I’d hurt him. And knowing that was the worst thing ever. Maybe some things were so terrible they were irreversible.
Suddenly I couldn’t cope with sitting there pretending everything was fine. That it didn’t fucking destroy me every time he rejected me.
“Actually, I think I need my beauty sleep. Might head back to the cabin, grab an early night.” I scraped my chair back so that it made a terrible screech on the lino floor.
And I stalked out of the room, leaving my ex-best friend behind.
Chapter6
Luke
Fuck.
After Ethan had left, I’d made my own excuses and headed back to the cabin I was sharing with Ali.
I sat on the bed with my head in my hands.
But no matter how much I rubbed my temples, I couldn’t get my brain out of replay mode.
Ethan. Ethan, his face streaked with mud. The warmth of his body under mine when we’d tripped over. Ethan and me playing basketball, that seamless way we’d always worked together, reading each other’s minds.
The way he’d looked at me, eyes sparkling, when Zach had suggested we partner up for Five Hundred.
The way the sparkle had died when I’d refused.
That look on his face haunted me.
Maybe you need to stop punishing him for not loving you back.
Jonathan was right. That’s what I’d done. I’d used the whole stupid bro-code, misogynistic how-dare-you-sully-my-sister’s-virtue as an excuse to cut him off, rather than admit the truth.
He’d broken my heart.
It was pathetic really. I’d fled the whole goddamn country to escape him. I’d stayed away from home for years just to avoid him.
Without my phone to distract me, I was plunged back into memories of that heartbreak, of devastation that was so overwhelming that every breath I took reminded me of what I’d lost.
My heart had not been just broken, it had been crushed to smithereens. It had taken me years to painstakingly glue the tiny fragments back together so I could contemplate having a proper relationship.
Shit. I stood up. I’d head back to the lodge, find someone to talk to. Anything was better than sitting here alone thinking about the past.
I’d taken only two steps toward the door when the whole world went black.
Power cut.
I reached for my phone, but my phone was currently in Coach Clark’s possession, so I had nothing to penetrate the blanket of darkness.
Darkness.
Oh shit.
Ethan.
Panic clawed in my throat.
I had to get to Ethan.
