Page 48 of Playing for Keeps
Coach took the tablet from me and sat back and regarded me.
“You know I’m not one to blow smoke up someone’s ass. But I honestly believe that with your skillset, you could be one of the best the game has ever seen. You need to look at this risk stuff though, because it might be what holds you back from reaching the next level.”
I shifted in the chair. “Sure. Ah, thanks Coach.”
“Maybe you should think about chatting with Dan about this sometime, see if he’s got any insights.”
My eyebrows shot up. “You think I need to talk to the team’s psychologist?”
Coach shrugged. “Up to you. If you think it’ll help you work out how to take more risks on the field, then it might be worthwhile.”
I was a total believer in the power of sports psychology, but somehow I couldn’t imagine sitting down with Dan and discussing this right now. I needed time to think about it first.
I thanked Coach and headed toward the changing room, my mind trying to digest what he’d said.
Was I risk-averse? If I was being completely honest, there was some validity to the idea.
I liked to be in control. I liked to be confident of the outcome before I did anything. I’d always been like that. Maybe it stemmed from how much my parents enjoyed my achievements. I always wanted to succeed, because I knew that made them happy.
Should I look to change that trait if it was holding me back from being the best player possible?
The changing rooms were full of my teammates in various stages of undress. My eyes immediately sought the one person I always seemed to locate in any circumstance.
Ethan had just come out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, and he was back at his locker rummaging around getting clothes out.
I made myself look away as I headed over to my own locker. As a gay guy in the locker room, I was conscious of never doing anything that could be construed as checking out one of the guys on the team.
Normally, it wasn’t an issue, because I’d never been attracted to a teammate before. Sure, I’d played with some handsome men during my career, but it had been easy not to ogle them.
It wasn’t so easy with Ethan. Because for so many years, Ethan had been the standard I measured all other guys against.
Even now, facing my locker with Ethan in only the periphery of my view, I still managed to notice his gorgeous naked chest as he pulled on his jeans.
Shit.
I clenched my eyes shut to stop visual data coming into my brain. It took me a few moments to calm my breathing down. This wasn’t good. Despite my best intentions, it was getting harder and harder to spend time with Ethan and keep a lid on my attraction to him.
There’d been a moment in the bathroom in our Brisbane hotel room a week ago when I’d caught his gaze in the mirror and thought I’d seen desire written across his face as he looked at me.
I’d imagined it, right? Just seen what I wanted to see.
Or what I didn’t want to see.
I didn’t want there to be an ounce of potential there. Not a smidgeon. Not even an atom of anything the hopeful part of my brain could misconstrue and use to fantasize about Ethan and me together. There was a whole host of reasons why it would be unhealthy.
First and most important, I was already in a relationship with a great guy. Even having these thoughts in my head felt like a betrayal of Jonathan. I’d always prided myself on not being that guy. Loyalty and honesty were two traits I regarded highly, and I damn sure wanted them to be traits I brought into any relationship.
Second, if there was anyone who was firmly located in my no-go zone, it was Ethan. With Theo, Char…yeah, it was just far too messy.
And third, I’d been burned by hope about Ethan before. Burned in the most brutal way.
I was reminding myself of all those factors when Ethan sidled up to me. “You want to go to the driving range for a bit?”
I hesitated, but the moment Ethan’s smile dipped, an answer fell out of my mouth. “Sure.”
“Take my car?”
“Okay.”
