Page 51 of Playing for Keeps
He bent down to put the ball on the tee. When he straightened, his gaze pinned me. “Did you always know you were gay?”
I seized up. Fuck, how did I answer that question? Was he going to call me out for never telling him growing up?
“Uh…kind of? I mean, I never really thought I wasn’t gay, if that makes sense.”
I didn’t want to tell Ethan that it had been my feelings for him that had confirmed my sexuality, because that would be all kinds of awkward.
“I guess it isn’t that much of a surprise when I think about it.” Ethan ducked his head. “You know, when we were teenagers, the experimenting we did.”
Fuck. My breath swept out of me at the same time warmth pooled in my stomach. I couldn’t believe he’d mentioned that. Even back then, we’d pretended it never happened. Those dark fumblings had never seen sunshine and air.
“You remember that?” Shit. My voice was husky.
“Are you kidding me? It was the highlight of my sexual experience for years.”
I bit my lip before I answered honestly. “Yeah, me too.”
“I think I’m probably pan,” he mused.
My heart almost stopped. “You’re what?”
“I’m pansexual, I think, rather than bi. I don’t really care what someone’s sex or gender is.”
Now it was my breathing that stopped. My body wasn’t doing a particularly great job of keeping me alive currently. “You’ve done stuff with other guys?” I managed to get out.
“Yeah.” Ethan said the word casually. “This one time when I was in Argentina, a guy hit on me in a club and I thought ‘Why the hell not?’ I don’t think gender should matter, getting off is getting off, right?” He shrugged as he lined up his next shot.
Getting off is getting off.His words echoed in my head.
I didn’t feel like that. I’d only ever been attracted to men. But sexuality was a bright and beautiful rainbow and I was never going to tell anyone what they felt was wrong.
Ethan swung, making clean contact with the ball which flew a solid three hundred meters.
He stared after the ball. “I guess it would have been better all-round if I wasn’t such a dumbass and I’d figured it out sooner, right?”
Oh holy fuck. How the hell did I answer that?
“There’s no set timeframe for figuring shit out,” I managed to get out. I glanced away. I didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to try to interpret the look on his face right now.
As I got in position for my next shot, Ethan’s confession pounded through my head.
I tried to stop my hands from shaking. Because Ethan’s admission he was pan opened up the thing inside me I was trying desperately to force closed.
I didn’t need that whisper of possibility circulating in my head.
Chapter13
Ethan
“Welcome to the Easter Extravaganza!” I greeted Luke’s parents as they came into my backyard, using my best master of ceremonies voice. “Prepare for an afternoon where you’ll risk life and limb to compete for Easter eggs and attempt to eat your weight in chocolate.”
Anthony laughed at my spiel, or perhaps he was laughing at the fact I was a grown man dressed in a bunny onesie, but Alison barely managed an upturn of her lips.
Yeah, it was safe to say I wasn’t Alison’s favorite person. She’d barely tolerated me when Luke and I were growing up and I was his friend from the wrong side of the tracks, but after Char had gotten pregnant… I’d thought Alison had thawed slightly over the last few years and had seemed to respect that I was a good dad to Theo, but I had definitely gotten a renewed chilly vibe from her in our last few interactions.
There was no doubt that she blamed me for the fact her daughter had become a statistic in New Zealand’s high rate of teenage pregnancies.
I’d never forget the day Char told me she was pregnant. She’d messaged asking me to meet her at the local park, and I’d freaked out, thinking she was going to suggest hooking up again, even though, when we’d woken up together the next morning, my mouth and head woolly, we’d agreed it had been a mistake.
