Page 67 of Playing for Keeps
“You just have so much…fun with him. And I’m never going to know you as well as he does. With all that history.”
I didn’t say anything. Because Jonathan was right. I couldn’t imagine anyone knowing me as well as Ethan did.
“It’s hard to describe. When he’s around, you orientate yourself to him like he’s the only thing that matters. And when you two are together…” He swallowed hard. “You’re so caught up in each other and there’s this energy crackling between you. Like there’s some scientific phenomenon only you two are in tune with. I can’t compete with that.”
My stomach lurched. “You don’t need to compete—”
“So, I have a choice,” Jonathan barreled on. “I can either be content as the second-best option, knowing the man I love is always going to want someone else more, or I can be the big person in this scenario and break up with you. And urge you to go after the person you truly, truly want to be with.”
I stared at him. “You’re breaking up with me?”
“Luke.” Jonathan’s voice trembled. He looked down at the carpet, and I could see he was struggling with his emotions. “I deserve better than this.”
Oh holy shit.
He was right. He did deserve better.
A lump rose in my throat and I had to force my words past it. “I know you do.”
He met my gaze and I could see in his eyes how much this conversation was costing him. I owed it to him to be completely honest.
“I love you. It’s just…he’s…” My voice was torn.
Jonathan bit his lip. “Yeah, I know.”
Fear gripped my throat at the thought of my life without Jonathan. “I don’t want to lose you,” I said desperately.
“But you can’t have both of us, Luke. And I want you to tell me the truth. If you had the choice, who would you choose?”
I slammed my eyes shut. I knew as instinctively as I knew which way was up that I couldn’t give Jonathan the answer he wanted. The answer that he deserved.
Because I would always, always choose Ethan.
When I opened my eyes, Jonathan was watching me, sadness stamped on his face. “I thought so.”
We stared at each other for a few heartbeats.
“I’m going to stay at a hotel tonight,” he said, his voice quiet.
“No, I’ll go.”
Dazed, I went into the storage cupboard in the hallway and grabbed a bag.
I went back into the bedroom and blindly opened my top drawer. I stood looking at my socks, and the full enormity of what was happening hit me.
I couldn’t help it. A sob shook my body.
“Hey,” Jonathan said softly.
He got up and wrapped an arm around me.
I let out another tortured sob, and he hugged me tighter.
Yeah, I was being comforted by my boyfriend who was breaking up with me because I would always love someone else more.
I really, really didn’t deserve him.
When I met his gaze his eyes were shiny too. “It’ll all be okay,” he said.
