Page 68 of Playing for Keeps
I just shook my head.
He gave me a pained smile. “From what I’ve seen, I think Ethan loves you just as much as you love him.”
I pulled away from him and started stuffing things into my bag. My movements were jerky.
I grabbed enough clothes to last me a few days, then disappeared into our ensuite to collect some bathroom stuff.
When I came out, Jonathan was standing where I’d left him, his arms wrapped around himself. I instinctively took a step forward to comfort him, but the look on his face stopped me.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
Jonathan attempted a smile but his expression didn’t make it past sad. “I know you are.”
It didn’t seem like there was anything else to say.
My mind swirled as I drove to my parents’ house. I couldn’t help thinking back to when I’d first met Jonathan in a bar in Japan, where we’d clicked instantly, reminiscing about New Zealand. He’d seemed perfect for me. Smart, kind, handsome. I’d had so much hope that our relationship would be the clean slate I needed, that it would let me move past my feelings for Ethan.
And I’d managed to fuck it all up.
Thankfully my parents weren’t home, so I didn’t have to explain how I’d just been dumped by a great guy because I couldn’t love him like he deserved to be loved.
I dropped my bag on the hallway floor and ran my hand through my hair. On the wall in front of me was a photo of Char hugging Theo. Theo, who looked so much like Ethan had at the same age.
I stared at the picture.
I would always love Ethan. But it was a hopeless love, something that seemed destined to destroy me.
Love was like a nuclear ray, a force designed to radiate outwards. But when the recipient wasn’t prepared to absorb it, it bounced back and blew up the source.
Chapter17
Ethan
It was the last round of pool play against the Leopards. We were already in the semis but were scrapping it out with the Auckland Greens to finish top of the table. From a practical sense it only mattered for home advantage if we met the Greens in the final. But bragging rights were also on the line, which meant pretty much everything if the smack talk at Aiden Jones’ wedding was anything to go by.
As we finished getting ready, I noticed Aiden typing something on his phone before stashing it in his locker. Was he messaging Tyler, wishing him good luck for his game tonight? How weird would that be?
But I didn’t linger on Jonesy and his dilemma of constantly competing against the guy he loved. Instead, my gaze slipped to Luke.
“You ready?” I held out my hand for our ritual pre-game fist bump. I was nothing if not predictable.
Luke bumped my fist back, but his smile was strained, which immediately drained my own away.
Luke had been flat all week. I didn’t know what it was about, and my first instinct had been to go into a full Ethan comedic routine to cheer him up.
Growing up, Luke and I had never talked about the heavy stuff. We justknew. I knew when to joke around and how to get Luke out of a broody mood, knew how to get him to relax when he was placing too much pressure on himself.
And when shit happened to me, Luke would cuff me around the head or give me a shoulder bump to show his support. Then he’d do one of those little things he always did, like sneak me extra pieces of his mother’s fudge or give me one of his favorite New Zealand rugby collectible cards to cheer me up. It was just the way we worked.
But joking around hadn’t made much difference to Luke this week. Maybe we’d reached the point where I couldn’t solve something by pretending to give him a wedgie, and I’d actually have to adult my way through a conversation about what was wrong. Which was a fucking scary concept.
Luke’s flatness continued even after the starting whistle blew. I hadn’t realized until then how much of Luke’s brilliance always came from his sheer joy in the game. Like there was nothing he’d rather do than play rugby.
Luke didn’t need a wand to perform magic. He just needed a rugby ball.
But tonight he couldn’t seem to conjure up any magic. And it affected the rest of the team.
We’d already beaten the Leopards twice this season, and they’d finished seventh overall. On paper, it should have been an easy win.
