Page 78 of Playing for Keeps
I lay there, my heart pounding as I stared at the ceiling.
I wanted my best friend. I’d probably always wanted my best friend. If I was being honest, I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything.
But earlier, he’d pulled back from our kiss rather than take it further.
He’d always been smarter than me.
There were so many reasons why Luke and I hooking up was a bad idea.
He’d just broken up with Jonathan. From what Luke had said, I knew Jonathan had been the one to break it off. So if Luke hadn’t wanted to end the relationship, then I was just a potential rebound. I knew Luke wouldn’t do that consciously. But subconsciously did he want me simply because I was here and available?
He’d said he’d almost kissed me when we were eighteen. So he’d wanted something then. Right before everything had happened with Char. Guilt bubbled up inside me as I thought about the extra dimension to Luke’s hurt that I hadn’t known about.
And thinking about Char made me think of the years that came after, all those years without Luke as my friend.
Those years were like a nuclear wasteland in my mind. I couldn’t handle going through that again.
Our lives were so entangled—playing on the same team, Char, Theo.
If we started something and it ended badly, I would be left with worse than nothing.
* * *
The next morning, Anthony suggested going to play golf over in Queenstown. It might have been partly a tactic to get me away from Alison, as my charm offensive at breakfast had crashed and burned more spectacularly than the Hindenburg.
We played the course at Jack’s Point and I couldn’t help watching Luke as we played.
He was just as capable with a golf club as he was with a rugby ball. He hit an amazing drive off the first tee that landed just short of the green on a par four.
There was just something about Luke, the concentration on his face as he lined up his drive, the casual way he leaned on his putter at the green while he waited for his turn, everything was just so…hot.
Heat pooled in my stomach. I couldn’t stop staring at his long fingers gripping his golf club, reminding me of the way they’d gripped my own personal wood when we were teenagers… I slammed my eyes shut, because I was pretty sure this line of thinking would be considered sacrilege by the gods of golf.
Luke, for his part, kept his distance. I didn’t know whether it was because his dad was around, or because of what had happened yesterday.
But even that small amount of uncertainty was enough to cement my thoughts from last night. The right decision going forward was obvious. Even someone as clueless as me could see it.
Luke ended up beating both Anthony and I easily, but from the grin on Anthony’s face you would’ve thought he’d won.
He said his goodbyes, then got in his car to go back to Wanaka, while Luke and I were going to return directly to Christchurch.
“You want to grab a bite in Queenstown before we hit the road?” Luke asked.
“Sure. I know a great café,” I said.
I gave Luke directions, and judging by how full the carpark was, I wasn’t the only one who knew about the café’s amazing food and great coffee.
I got out and closed the car door, but then hesitated. I didn’t want to talk to Luke in a crowded café. Nor did I want to start the conversation while we were cooped up in a car.
I needed to rip the band aid off now so the pain could ease a bit before our road trip back.
“Luke, wait,” I said, and he stopped abruptly a few steps from the car. “You ready to have this conversation?”
He walked back to where I stood, his eyes wary. “Yeah, I think we need to have it.”
I swallowed hard. “I kind of feel like this has been simmering between us for a while,” I said. “Hell, it stretches back to when we were teenagers, right? But I just don’t think we can take it further…with Char and Theo and everything.”
“Yeah. I know.” Luke sounded resigned.
