Page 22 of Keeping it Casual
His expression is sad, his eyes downcast. It seems unnatural to see Jeremy’s face doing anything but smiling.
“You want to talk about it?” I make sure my voice is the definition of gentle.
He gives a deep sigh that seems to have the weight of the world in it as he continues to stare at the footpath. “Em and I got together in our first year of university. We were neighbors in our dorm and we just kind of…clicked. We became best friends really quickly. She was my person, you know?” He runs his hand through his hair.
“I’d been out and proud as a bisexual since I was fifteen. Hell, I practically hired a marching band to announce it in town, but there weren’t many chances to actually be with a guy around here.”
“I can imagine,” I say.
“I messed around with a few guys when I started uni, started to explore that side of me. But when Em kissed me one night, I was like, great, she’s my best friend. I can fall in love with my best friend, and it’ll all be great.
“But it turns out, I confused my affection for her with romantic feelings.”
“You were a kid, Jeremy. You were still figuringthings out.”
He shakes his head, his face full of self-disgust. “I was the biggest loudmouth about combating bisexual erasure. You know, how there are people who claim that bisexual people just haven’t come to terms with being gay? I fucking hate that narrative, but then I inadvertently added to it by claiming to be bisexual when I really am gay.”
We’ve reached the corner where we should separate, but I plant my feet, staring at him.
“Jeremy, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your journey to understand your sexuality is your business and no one else’s.”
“But that’s the thing. It wasn’t just my business, was it? It was Em’s business too, and Lucy’s as well.”
He ducks his head, scuffing his foot along the pavement. “When I started to realize that how I felt about men and women was different, I freaked out. I stuck my head in the sand for so long.” He looks up at me, his eyes dark. “I know I couldn’t have continued like that long-term. It would have destroyed me. But fuck, it’s sometimes hard to feel like you’ve made the right decision when the collateral damage is so high among the people you love.”
My heart squeezes for him.
I don’t know why I feel this way, but out of anyone I’ve ever met, Jeremy deserves to be happy.
Right now, I want nothing more than to get Jeremy’s smile back.
He’s looking so miserable and vulnerable that I do the only thing I can think of.
I step forward and kiss him.
It’s nothing like our kisses in his office that were so fierce and hot.
This is tender and sweet.
I’m trying to tell him, with my body rather than my words,that he’s a good person. That he needs to forgive himself and make peace with the past.
But kissing him is like finally getting a hit of the drug I’ve been denying myself.
He tastes like beer, along with something sweeter, something pure Jeremy. He gasps as I deepen the kiss, tangling my tongue with his.
My lips move softly against his, exploring every inch of his mouth.
His hands come up to cup my face, and I feel tremors running through him.
This kiss was supposed to be me comforting him. But somehow, it’s turned into more.
It’s pulled to the surface all the feelings and desires I’ve built up for Jeremy in the short time I’ve known him.
Fuck. I’ve never had a kiss like this. It’s glistening with emotion.
Jeremy pulls away from the kiss slowly.
His eyes don’t leave my face. “Do you want to come back to my place?” His voice is hoarse.
